ارتكبت الذنب العظيم و رفضت العريس. كسرت حلقة الضغط و انتصرت لنفسي. هزمت امي و اخواتي و المجتمع. نفضت الكابوس عن نفسي و اعلنت ولائي لها. حطمت حاجز الخوف و رميت نفسي في احضان المجهول. فضلت حضن المجهول على حضن العريس, فايقاني باستحالة تمضية حياتي مع هذا الشخص اعطاني القوة الكافية للتمرد و قول لا. لا لا لا
انتصاري لم يكن بغنائم, كان فقط انتصار دفع الأذى عني. المحصلة كانت قتل احلام امي في رؤيتي عروسا. المحصلة كانت ايقاذ مخاوف امي في رؤيتي عانس. اعماها الخوف و الغضب, ووجهت مخاوفها نحوي. قست علي لخوفها من عنوستي. استعملت اساليب الترهيب و التهديد. هذه اخر فرصة لك, قالت بعصبية. غدا سيصبحن صديقاتك امهات, و ستبقين انت وحيدة
لا استطيع, صرخ جسدي قبل عقلي. اجتمعوا صديقاتي علي, حاولي فالوقت كفيل بتعويدك عليه. لا استطيع العيش مع رجل لا احبه, و من قال لك اننا نحب ازواجنا؟ كنت ابكي كل ليلة قبل يوم زفافي قالت واحده منهم, و انظري لي الان, امرأة متزوجة, يحترمني المجتمع لا اخاف نظرات الناس او شماتة المعارف
حاولت ان احكم عقلي. لولا الضغط لما كنت فكرت به. ضغطت على نفسي, عنفتها. تماديت في التركيز على محاسنه, متعلم, ثري, طيب, ابن عيلة و ناس, فماذا اريد اكثر؟ اي منطق يجعل جسدي يتحكم بقرارة نفسي؟ كيف ارفس فرصة كهذه و اغامر في المجهول. لماذا لم اكن كباقي البنات؟ فالزيجة مازالت عندنا تجارة, والرجل يقاس بنقوده. البنت تباع للأغنى, فلم لا ابيع نفسي و انتصر على الجميع؟ هل اصبحت ضعيفة الى هذا الحد ام ان صدقي تجاه نفسي اعطاني القوة للوقوف في وجه التيار؟
ارتاحت نفسي لربح المعركة, اخرت سقوتي في النيران, لكن الوقت يداهمني, والسنة الناس تلسع جسدي الذي يجري في سباق مع الزمن, سباق لايجاد الرجل المناسب قبل الوقوع في اتون العنوسة
الضحية,
هيا
Fadi Zaghmout فادي زغموت 
the problem with our society and all other societies is that they can’t accept the fact that a wom an can actually survive without a man in her life!! and so every sick woman in the family runs to the rescue bringing suiters from every hole in the city regardless of the girl’s wishes and sometimes the guy’s too!! Many guys fall in love madly with girls but then his mommy refusues and he ends up miserable with a girl he doesn’t love!! If a gilr found ” the man ” then it is good for her but if she didn’t it is also good!!! hell, it might be better!!! I know many women who are not married and they lead successful lives without the need for a man in the house!!! I had to let that out of my system ! Gr8 post! Have a nice weekend 🙂
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لا … يالله عاد! .. هناك الكثير من حالات اهانة الإناث و اهدار كرامتهن.. لكن عفوا فهذه ليست واحدة منهنفلا توجد فترة تقدّر فيها الأنثى او تُدلل قدر دلالها و العرسان يتهافتون عليها من كل حدب و صوب .. و ما عليها الا الإختيار .. و رفضها .. اعلى مراتب الحرية و “القيمة” التي ستحصل عليها في حياتها كاملة في مجتمعاتنا الشرقيةبل تحسدنها اخواتها الغربية .. فالعرسان.. كلّهم جاد .. و مقدم على الإرتباط حتى بدون سنوات من العبث معها.. في حين تترجى المرأة في الغرب ان تحصل و لو على كلمة من اي نوع ترضيها و تثبت تعلّق و جدية و ارتباط من شاركته سنوات في فراشهااعذروني . فهذه بالذات .. تُحسب للمجتمعات الشرقية
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Hi OberserverA beautiful work.Excellent post! Bravo! Thank you.have a good day
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i just love it,,i have one thing to say to Haya & to all the girls like her: if you never get married, it won’t be a problem.. at least u would’ve won urself..qwaider:it depends on how u look at it,does commitment equal happiness?? does having multiple choices mean that they r all good??does money (rich dude) really bring u happiness??
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Lost within, Thanks, I am glad you like the post. You are totally right, our society cant accept that woman can survive on their own. Qwaider, when a woman is pressured to marry a man that she doesnt think she can live with, then this is humilation of their pride. It is cool to have men coming asking to get to marry a woman, but it is another thing when you push her into marrying someone who she doesnt love for the fear of getting spinster if she missed this chance. David Santos, thank man 🙂psg, I am glad you like it. I second what you said to Haya and the other girls. Marriage isnt an obligation and there is no need to feel not getting married.
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fooooooooooof thanks for the great post i really love it it means a lot i’am speachless:)qwaider are u living in the same planet with us!!!psg thanks:)
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what does this mean?
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I would say..-The fighter,Haya-The winner,HayaShe is no longer a Victim!She is a strong fighter! and she should be proud! :).Thanks Fadi for writing for women!
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Haya, you represent a lot of girls, hold on 😉Saadna, you have to find a translator 😛Life, you are welcome dear. Yes, haya is a fighter, like most women in our society 🙂
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thaaaaaaaaaaanks life:)i’am proud and a winner:)
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You sure are Haya.. and You should be proud.. Always!You are also lucky to have a friend like fadi 🙂actually we both are 😉
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exactly, pressure is humiliation in this case.
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مرة تانية… هذا النظام مصمم للحفاظ على كرامة المرأة و للعلم .. حتى الرجال بيتعرضوا لنفس النوع من الضغط … و مش على كيفهم و لا همة احرار امام المجتمعلمّا الست بيجي العرسان لحد كندرتها و بترفضهم .. هاي قمة الحقوق النسائية حتىحتى في الغرب.. الست بتتمنى اللي ييجي يطلب ايدها .. و عمرو ما بيجي .. انتو بس بدكم كل شي يكون ضد المرأة؟ لأ .. مش كل شي ضد .. في اشياء مع و هاي و حدة منهمبيكفي .. المبالغة بتأدي نتائج عكسية 100% و كلام الأخت هيا مع الأحترام مبالغة في احسن حالاتهاساس الزواج الرضا .. صحيح في ناس بتغصب البعض.. لكن عندها دائما و ابدا الحق في الرفض.. حتى لو امام المأذونو مش علشان قويدر حكي شغلة يعني لازم تتطلع غلط.. حتى شوف امثالنا .. “كل شي بالخناق الا الزواج بالإتفاق” فبشرفكم .. بيكفي مبالغة و افتراء على احسن شي عنّا.. و ركّزولي على قضايا فعلا فيها ظلممثلا.. شرف المرأة .. و جرائم الشرف.. هاي انا معك . و 100% كمان
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PSG, I was telling you. Some women here in the west BEG thier men to commit to them. BEG THEM and don’t get it! Does it mean happiness? At least the woman thinks so. Shouldn’t we respect her wish?Having multiple choices doesn’t mean that they are good. But you forgot the important part… CHOICE!Does money bring you happiness? Hmm, you can ask anna nicole smith that questionAnd excuse me, the Arab woman DOES NOT NEED TO PAY A SINGLE CENT in her marriage. Or beg for it, or be forced on it … Find a real issue to whine aboutHaya, I’m affraid you’re not living on the same planet. 5 Unmarried people under the age of 25 said something and you think they represent the whole society!? Yalla 3ad!
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Qwaider, yallah 3ad! Haya is right, wen 3ayesh enta? There are a strong social pressure on women in our society to get married before a certain age while at the same time, women have literally to sit their and wait for their faith, pray for a good man to step on and propose, or pick one from those who propose that are not good enough out of fear of becoming a spinster, or gamble with time till someone good propose.Woman in the west are completely independent, and fully functional and respected on their own merits. Here a spinster woman doesnt get the same respect of a married one, as if she need a man to give her a ticket to be part of society. Just look at jordanian girls, because of social pressure, becoming spinsters is their worse nightmares, and it starts at an early age as of 22! right after college!
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Qwaider قويدر :what’s the point of commitment and having many choices if its not with someone you love or -at least- be happy with ??and FYI, 1. I don’t talk with dead ppl2. i wasn’t whining, but i will start whining now about “some people” who can’t have a civilized conversation without throwing some personal attacks.. typical!
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ObserverNo that is not trueMore and more women in the society are getting more say in this. In fact, this is the ONLY THING they have a say in Since the days of Qays and Layla .. for god’s sake .. I would agree on a real issue but this is not oneMen ALSO get pressured to get married. They do that to ME 24/7/365The social presser to get people married is different than oppressing women to “just get married” these are two different things. And you’re mixing the issues.PSG, what dead people? Sorry you confused me thereWhat exactly got personal on you from what I said? How is that typical? I’m sorry, but you completely confused me
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Qwaider, yes there is also pressure on men to get married in our society, but the pressure is much worse on women. women have tighter time frame and they can’t go out and do the pick.What I did in my post is voicing out a woman’s pain of pressure around her. I didnt bring up any double standards of treating males and females in our society, and I didnt compare jordanian women with western women in my post and I didnt brought up women opression as well. You did all of that while claiming that women should be happy of this current situation. Unfortunatly my dear, this isnt the case, most women in jordan are struggling with fear of not getting married, and a lot do get married to someone they dont like just for the sake of marriage. I consider this issue to be one of the major issues that touch our women’s lives in a very bad way and it is all have to do with our limitation of women’s freedom.
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