While I have always been aware of the cultural sensitivity issues related to the differences between sexes in our Arabic societies, it didn’t really occur to me that men don’t just limit women physical movement and appearance but they also try to regulate and censor their mental activities and sources of information.

It isn’t just related to Qwader’s rage on my “My love, take my honor and Live” script and him being offended because there are women who might have read it, but also to some weird behavior from my co-workers as the General Manager decided to treat us with a new big LCD Television and a satellite receiver so that we have some entertainment at lunch breaks. What actually happens is that when men are alone in the room, it doesn’t matter what they watch, but they keep wary if any potential female might get in. They automatically switch off channels that don’t even considered to be porn like Melody music and Rotana Cinema when there is a movie for Adel Imam!

I suddenly realized that with all of our *brilliant* ideas we come up with to protect our women, we have never thought of introducing a rating that specifies how sensitive the medium of information towards gender. Our cinemas should have a new rating MG – Male Guidance. That is inline with the PG rating where children cannot watch without their parents’ guidance. The same should be applied to women. Some men wouldn’t like their women to watch something without their guidance. After all, it is a cultural matter and we should respect our cultural heritage. We ought not just to import things from the west, but to be creative and adjust it to our local culture!

So you guys and girls who read this blog and have this cultural issue, please note that I rate my blog to be MG. It requires a male guidance for people into that mentality. After all I ought to be as culturally sensitive as I can!

I am fed up with the “We live in a conservative eastern society” card people raise whenever they stumble upon something that defies their own moral code. This red card is not just raised in small towns in the Jordan Valley for instance, but it is also used in major cities like Amman and the whole middle east regardless of the diversity of sub cultures and societies that have emerged in the past few years.

Do we really live in a conservative society?

What kind of measurements do we have? Is it just a notion that he has risen to believe in, or is it something we relate to according to the set of mainstream social values we have inherited? What about the relativity of conservatism and the spectrum of its nature where extremists at both ends are not tolerated with the same degree?

Ya sidi, let’s assume that our society conservatism is at large in line with the person’s moral who is raising this card. Don’t we, as a liberal minority, have the right to speak up our minds and work on gaining ground in the place we have always lived in and loved? It does bring up the same question of national identity I introduced in a pervious post and how legitimate is it for a state citizen to work against the basic structure of the state. Here, it goes like, how legitimate it is for a group of people to work against the core moral of the society they live in?

The dilemma between societies and individual needs comes up. For ages, it has been society’s best interests more sacred than individuals’ best interests, and thus minorities have been out casted, individuals have been sacrificed, and women have been dominated. It was not until the mid of last century where individualism started to arise, and the value of every single human being gained ground.

Unfortunately the rise of individualism conflicted with the societies best interests. For instance, if anyone is entitled to do what ever he believes is right, and knowing that people don’t usually agree on that, then who would govern the relationships between individuals living in the same society when there is a conflict of interests? One would kill another under the name of extreme individualism the same way he would do it under the name of extreme socialism.

It is worth adding that Arabic societies still tally in terms of individualism. It is picking up due to the nature of globalization and the communication revolution, but resistance against it is very huge.

The world is different today. Modern societies hardly reached a middle ground between individual rights and social rights. Countries are governing the interaction of its citizens based on laws derived from different sources. Usually it is still the majority that rules, but universal human rights law has come to exist in order to protect the rights of the under dog. Human rights organizations are working heavily to ensure the safety of the sacrificed individuals all over the world.

Humans most prominent instinct is the desire to survive and thus the right of living in safety emerged to be the most sacred human right. Speech has been one of the major excuses that been used to violate this right, and thus the freedom of expression emerged to be a very important right that is called upon all over the world.

At the level of myself as an individual, living in a so called conservative society, and a so called liberal sub society where my family and friends and acquaintances don’t adhere to the mainstream claimed moral codes, at the same time living in a modern country that have global agreement and are to hold responsibilities towards the global society. I find myself having every right to speak out myself and work towards what I see better for the people I live between and cherish and love.

So next time anyone raises the conservative card society in my face, I would just raise my middle finger to answer him.

I have been surfing the net for the past couple of hours
oh boy! I can’t describe how appalled am I
there is all kind of horrible things
I gotta tell you guys
there are a lot of immoral stuff!
At first I got shocked
but then
I decided to react
and fight

Some websites don’t allow you to leave comments
but have contact info
others are like blogs, where you can say whatever you want

so I seized the chance

I started scanning the pages first for any potential immoral word
(I will do it later for pictures and videos – that should be an easier task)

I have this wonderful tool of scanning – my eyes
and I have this wonderful processor – my brain
with an AWSOME – unmatched – moral algorithm

I started shouting here and there
‘walak enta ma btestat7i?’ (you have no shame?)
‘Do your mother or sister read this?!!!’
‘Hellooo, there are respectful people out there!’

Blood boiled in my head
The idea that a woman would check such immoral stuff drove me mad!
for I am an Arab, and as an Arabic *super hero* I have to protect my women!

In the past, it has been easier
We used just to lock them in houses

Have you watched bab al hara guys?
(If you missed the first 2 seasons, then you still have the chance to watch the 3rd one at MBC channel starting from next week)
Akhhhh, I miss those days! Men were MEN!

Now this have changed,
Women actually go out of their houses and work!!
It is okay, as long as they bring money

But we can’t leave them out without protection
There is much harm in the streets, but that is a totally different matter
My specialty is the internet

and unfortunately women can surf the net these days!
Mr. Gates has no cultural sensitivity
He only came up with filters to protect children
He doesn’t realize that we, Arabic men, look after our women like our children

They MUST NOT know what is out there!
Next thing they would start asking for gender equality
and then sexual liberation!

Oh boy! I have to react
I have this sacred duty being Mr. Q!

Here I come to rescue the women of the Arab world
I am your net super hero
I will decide what is shameful and what is not
and I will fight any immoral bitch trying to scratch your sensitive nature

Men shall prevail again, they shall control the information you receive

All under the name of protection
the way we have always been doing
for ages
and
will keep on doing
not matter what

After all, we have now
Mr. Q
hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

“Do not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing” Jesus

I have never really been a giver. Never done charity before and never helped in easing the pain of anyone in poverty. Whenever a beggar approaches me on street or a traffic light, I put a cold expression on my face and say ‘allah ya3teek’ (May God give you) and then wait for him to move away. It always made me feel guilty but I used to rationalize it the way our government does, and that this beggar is most probably have good money and that he finds begging as an easy way to make some more rather than working. In addition to that, I also believe that I have to take care of myself in order to be able of taking care of others. I am not a wealthy person and the notion of Jesus and the widow who gave from her needs rather than her surplus didn’t quite work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the moral of it and do cherish those who gave more than they can. But those are very rare people. They are real saints whom I do admire and wish that one day I would have the strength to do the same. Meanwhile I am aware of my humanly traits and needs that are a combination of selfishness and laziness and which I am neither proud nor ashamed of.

Recently, I have this social activism notion growing inside me. Maybe it has mostly to do with blogging and social networking. And while social freedom, sexual liberation, gender equality and tolerance towards the others have been my major concerns, I was hoping for a chance to help in others attempt of fighting poverty or helping any unfortunate individual. Then the Back to School campaign caught my eyes at Naseem’s blog. It was an easy call, just publicize it and you would be doing a good share. Re-blog it on my blog would be good enough. But I felt like doing more, and I had this idea of collecting money from people who work with me. I sent an email to all the staff and asked my friend to do the same at his company. I didn’t get much money yet, but we have collected some and in which we would give to Sara from the action committee (079-5154498).

A couple of years ago, I wouldn’t talk about a good thing I have done. I guess it has more to do with me being shy than saving my credit to my after life as someone who gave me some donations asked explicitly not to mention her donation so that she doesn’t lose her after life reward. I have always believed that it is better to give without expecting anything in return, even if it is spiritual. But that is not entirely true for myself, because even though I don’t expect an after life reward, I do enjoy the instance self reward of a greater self esteem and goodness. Helping others is not 100% an altruistic behavior. Feeling good in return would be a good enough drive and an excellent compensation.

So for me, it is okay to state out that you have done a good thing as an acknowledgment and encouragement for oneself and others, but it would be entirely a different thing when you advertise your charity for a fake pride and prestige like what we can see on the walls of the Christian Churches in Jordan these days.

The Action Committee is accepting collections of school supplies to distribute amongst under-privileged students in the Kingdom. The last day to receive any donations is next Tuesday the 19th. The committee is looking for the following items:

– Backpacks & pencil cases.
– Sweatpants, sweatshirts, socks (for P.E.)
– Pencils, pens, erasers, rulers.
– Notebooks, both English and Arabic.
– Geometry sets (for grades 5 & up).
– Glue sticks, colored pencils & markers.

You can volunteer for this campaign in a couple of ways:

1) Donations: either financially or any of the above mentioned items.

2) Packing the items.

3) Help us distribute the bags.

Also, if you’re a blogger, feel free to re-blog this post on your own blog. Spread the word!

You can contact Sara at 079-5154498

Check Out more details at Naseem’s blog

I have been the most beautiful girl in my class
I have been the softest and the tenderest
I had a low voice and a delicate movement
to sum it all
My femininity was unmatchable

Girls envied me
Boys worshiped me
I lived like a princess
and enjoyed the spell of my beauty on people around me

Many men started proposing to me a year after reaching my puberty
That was at 11!
I was a kid
but enjoyed the attention

My family managed to keep the grooms away
till I got my tawjihi degree
that was the time when I turned 18
The time I met my prince charming

Our families arranged for our marriage
We had this agreement that I can still pursue my bachelor degree
and I did

Five years passed, and we bore no children
The envy eyes and gossips of the beautiful young couple turned into pity
Lies and rumors came out from everywhere
They said, he loves someone else
They said, she refuses to have sex with him
They said, he is castrated
Others said, it is God’s will…He doesn’t give it all

We said, it is still early for us to have children
We were young and life is still ahead of us

In reality, we were dying to have one
Not just to please ourselves
but also to make our parents happy
and shut up the mouths of other people

His mother advised us to go see a doctor
and we did

My world fall apart
It turned out that I carry a male genetics
My sexual chromosomes turned out to be XY!
and they said that I suffer from Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome!!

I was speechless
and so was my husband!
We refused to believe it
We felt betrayed and cheated!
What does that mean to me?
What does it mean to him?

He questioned the validity of our marriage
and I questioned my gender identity!
I am still is the same person
and didn’t start feeling like a man after the discovery!
I begged him to ignore it and let it go

We had counseling
We had a marriage crisis
and we were about to go apart
I tried suicide
but failed

Eventually, we decided to face it
accept it and move on
for I am the same, and he is
Our love has been greater than sex and gender
and our perception of life grew and changed

It helped to know that I was not alone with such case
and that it affects around 0.1% of a society
that means around 3000 Jordanian (Thank you Hareega for the info)

I just hope that other’s husbands would be as understanding, loving and supportive like mine
For I know how bad it would be if mine scandalize me
claiming that my family married him to another man!

Regards,
Haya