Fadi Zaghmout

Finally, 2023 is coming to an end. It is the day before the last of December. Mercury is about to finish its retrograde final cycle this year, and Mars ready to move to Capricorn in few days. And me, stepping into the new year confused about my life, as I have never been before.

It was a turbulent year; at one point, I thought that whoever wrote my life story suffers from bipolar disorder. It started off as a continuation of the misfortune I faced in the previous one, with me trying to navigate the difficulties that arose from losing my job and mom’s sickness. Fortunately, things fell into place starting from March. I found a publisher for my book, I sold my apartment and paid off the mortgage, I went to the literature festival in Niece, “Heaven on Earth” came out in Italian, and I found a job!

I started my full time job in May, and I moved cities. It was a new challenge that I got excited about. It was a new industry to me and entailed lots of learning. No complaints here, I was determined to succeed, and I almost had. Three months later, my manager told me that I passed the probation period. I felt a relief and thought that things are back on track for me, with a stable, albeit challenging job. I was still struggling with adapting to my new schedule and life in Abu Dhabi. But I was ready to celebrate. I booked a holiday and flew to Amman, and I had the most wonderful time of the year. It was an amazing week, where I successfully launched my latest book “Amal Ala Al Ard”. I was so happy with its reception and with the reactions of people. I enjoyed every single interactions and every new connection I made. It couldn’t have been any better.

I came back, and misfortune struck. A structural changes were taking place at the company I joined. The decision of confirming my employment was reversed by a new executive who took over the marketing function. She decided to extend my probation for a month, giving me five assignments to finish, for her to be able to assess and decide the new structure of the team.

I was in shock, but if you know me, you’d know that I am a firm believer in “It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” I have been there, done that. I have been able to reverse misfortunes before by adopting a positive attitude. Thus, I took it as a challenge and believed that I can pull it through. I was handling my daily tasks, covering for the communication manager role, and working on the assessment tasks. I put in extra hours at work throughout that month, dividing the tasks into a three-week timeline, and wrote them on sticky notes for a constant reminder. I successfully delivered everything on time with excellent quality (I believe). I knew back then that by the 15th of September (the deadline of the extended probation), I would be relieved – either way.

It didn’t work out the way I hoped for this time, and I ended up losing the job. How I reacted to what happened to me didn’t save me.

I was sad, but also relieved.

I needed to recover from the stressful period and think clearly about what I wanted to do next. My options were; looking for another job, or exploring the opportunity of pursuing a PhD degree. I have always had it on my mind, and have always thought it might be a good fit for my writing career but never had the courage to pursue it. Being jobless, it was easier to make a decision. And so I approached Ms. Cheryl Toman, Professor of French and Chair Modern Languages and Classics at Alabam University, to ask her about my option. She encouraged me to apply and helped me get accepted and secure an assistantship.

The acceptance arrived 20 days ago for Spring Semester which starts on 10th of January. I was so happy to hear the news, but so scared as well. What does it mean? Am I ready to leave everything and commit 4 years of my life to pursuing this degree? Am I ready to become a student again? At this age? Can I leave my home and friends, and move to live in a distanced city?

I have never been shaken like this before but I had to act fast. If I am to make it for Spring Semester, I have to get things done. I needed to provide all pending documents and apply for a student visa. And here, where mercury retrograde hit. Being in a nervous and rushed mode, I made few mistakes:

1. I wanted to go see mother in Amman before I move to Alabama. I booked my ticket, only to learn at the airport that I had chosen different dates. I had to pay double the amount to fix it.
2. While completing my visa application, I picked “Delma Island” as documents’ return destination, confusing the 4 hrs drive island with somewhere closer in mid town AD. That cost me a week’s delay, with back and forth communication with the embassy trying to fix the mistake.
3. My car needed some repairs so I could renew the license and sell it. It didn’t go as planned, adding to my stress.
4. My tooth filling suddenly dropped, and when I went to the dentist to replace it, thinking it would be an easy procedure, she said it needed a root canal. I had to travel to Jordan second day with a temporary filling, and some pain that I endured for two weeks after. When I came back, I fell sick. A bad flu that been circulating around. I postponed the root canal for a week. I visited the dentist again two days ago, and she was challenged trying to kill the 4th canal of the tooth. She said it needs ‘a special microscope,’ and she even broke the tool she was using while working on it. I am hoping to get this done tomorrow.
5. University asked for an immunization form to fill. It entails proof of vaccination for measles, and TB screening. I had to arrange with a local clinic this morning to get this done.

In the past 3 weeks, things have been strangely going WRONG. Nothing has worked as planned, even small mundane things—like choosing the courses I am taking in the first term, only to find out that my major is logged wrongly, and that it can only be fixed after the end-of-year holidays. Is it stress, or misfortune? I don’t know. The year is ending without me having a clear answer about whether I will be able to make it for the Spring term or have to postpone until the Fall.

All what I can do is wait, and hope that things will fall into place, again.

Happy new year everyone!