In Jordan, a woman may disable her facebook account after she gets into a serious relationship, do you know what else she may do? Fake innocence! That is not an uncommon advice, where married women would advice their friends who got recently into a relationship to act *surprised* if her boyfriend/fiance tried to touch her hand. If it is her wedding night, then the advice would be for the woman fake shyness and ask her husband to shut off the light!
Sadly, Jordanian women are still expected not to be sexually active before marriage. Although many are indeed sexually active, in discretion, but with no intercourse (to maintain the hymen), it is nothing acceptable to be mentioned infront of your future husband. The common perception, if a woman made out with a man, he won’t marry her! So if she made out with her first boyfriend, and his didn’t marry her, she won’t make out with her next one and end up marrying him! He, on the other hand, would try with her before marriage, and if she refuses, then she would have passed the test, and then he would end up marrying whom he thinks to be the pillar of virtue (in his own moral values ofcourse).
Well yes! That is a great advice. With such social values, and such mentality of men, women must have learnt how to trick them! and then again, it is a trick that most men are willing to take because it spares them the hectic of carrying on with what society expects from them if they know the truth!
Well let’s look at it closer:
A man waiting for his wedding night, he is eager to have halal sex with the woman he has married but he expects her to act cold, shy, and inexperienced. He still hopes that he will have good sex – that is the reason he got married afterall!!
Well that doesn’t really work! It takes two for good sex. But if she is going to please him, then she would show some knowledge, and thus alert him of a potential pervious experience which would push him to divorce her.
Do we really have to be this hypocrite? Can’t women just stand up for themselves?!
I love it when you attack the victims. This is a typical chauvinist male behavior. It's women's fault. So for the sake of you getting a blow job you want your Jordanian girlfriend to announce to the world that she had given you a blow job? Is this your idea of liberating Jordanian women? Is this your vision of a better Jordanian society? gotta go throw up.
I agree with the anonymous commenter above [1:44pm] .. Adding, this article is painting all men and women of Jordan, perhaps even nearby societies, with a certain necessity of hypocrisy and falsification in order for them to be culturally acceptable. This is not true nor founded.. a bunch of here-say and oversimplification of what seems to be difficult for the author to comprehend of their own culture where they should have given the issue more time and research before blabbering out blanketing statements about, if they exist and are found, the minority and the exceptions whom set no standard for the vast majority.
Anon, ofcourse it is not women's fault, but they indeed take responsibility in a big part of it. The victims here should start standing up for themselves and stop tolerating the chauvinist male behaviour of the majority of men here.
DustyDune, actually that is true, while I can't generalize to say all, I can certainly say that this is a mainstream cultural hypocirsy that we suffer from in this region of the world.
There's also a pattern of behavior that exposes someone's skeletons hiding away in their closets about a particular issue is when they are exceptionally critical of a specific perverted behavior… it's likely they're knees deep into it.
Once upon a time Lamya was getting married to a nice guy thru a parental encouraged fix up. She went thru it with half a heart. Although broken up sometime ago, she was still in love with her college sweetheart who was the 'wrong' profile for the parents and she succumbed. Lamya married nice guy coz it was the right thing. Lamya was not a virgin. She asked her best friend how best to deceive her soon to be husband on their wedding night. Thru some plotting the girls cooked up a plan which seemed to work. Groom was elated that Lamya seemed inexperienced. Life went on, they had a terrible sex life, a couple kids, miserable marriage, divorced, and Lamya is now free and happily and openly promiscuous. She says she's happy now, but that forced smile on her face and fake, strained accent imply otherwise.
But hey, all the power to her!
Here's my thing.. what's the point of all the deceit? No love, pretending to have no experience, doing it all for the wrong reasons, and then one day letting it all rip. Everybody gets hurt in the end with a long trail of damage.
Yes, stand up for who you are – female and male. It won't be easy in the beginning, but you'll probably save your soul.
I agree with the hypocrasy part. but I'm a bit suspicious of how you discribed sex here. for both western and eastern comunities; sex is not a moral issue! however for eastern people it is an honor issue!
I used to say in the past that the only way we could stop this honor bullshit is by removing the hymen after birth.
Now, I kinda less believe in marriage as a system. I mean that two consented adults should not need the consent of the rest of the world to do anything.
I'm sure I'll get mocked mercilessly for this, but the answer to this is easy. The social expectation should be that men will be virgins too before they're married.
“Yeah that will never happen.” Yeah but it does and it's an amazing, magical discovery on your wedding night.
“What are you, some religious zealot?” No, I just know what the right thing to do is and it's not always what feels good.
If you have nothing to hide, you've got no reason to deceive. If we would all have some self-control, we wouldn't be having this discussion.
Thamk you for bringing to table hidden subjects. I beleive that people who cannot face the reality for any reason are the ones who deeply fake it.
Hymens and forskins are human nature. Our bodies and needs are a human nature. Hiding our needs, our bodies, dening their existence or trying to fake it in an immature way is just about denying our humanity…
Glory to our bodies, hymens and foreskins!
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