* This post is not for minors!
** Some women might need male guidance! (kidding)
Virginity is overrated! Seriously!
It confines the whole sexual process in one act!
How absurd is this?
or is it not?
I had this converstion with different people
What does having sex mean?
Is it the whole package of different sexual acts?
cuddling, fondling, kissing, hugging, squeezing, oral, ..etc
It is just about intercourse?
Most answeres were the latter!
(what is the religious ruling here? anyone knows?)
What if I decide to skip intercouse and stick to the other stuff?
Does it mean that I am not having sex?
and that I am “shareefeh” (honorable) in the eyes of society if I am not married
DONT get me wrong
I am a married woman now (wooohoooo)
Ops…after a second thought
it can be applied on me as well
I mean it won’t be a betrayal if I did all of the above acts with another man (not my husband) without having intercouse with him
*I am not going to do it, but I am talking hypothetically here*
Intercouse is important to a lot of people
but as every other thing in life
People have different tastes!
Some would just enjoy their sexuality without having to be penetrated! (or penetrate!)
I am, myself, not a big fan of intercourse
I would rather stay virgin all my life!
and enjoy my sexuality at the same time
Is that a bad thing?
Isn’t virginity overrated here?
I mean, how many virgins are out there who do this?
and then hold up the moral card whenever sex is mentioned!
IT IS Overrated! >effft
Virginity overrated? Depends on the person and that persons mentality. I lost my virginity at 15 and there are no regrets no problems but it hurt like hell. The guy was really nice I had no intentions of him being my husband matter of fact I broke up with him almost a week later. He cried. LOL. Ok it may not be funny but funny to me. >>i use to think it was all about sex then i thought i was all about the fourplay, then i thought it was all about love. Now I think its about the energy. The energy thats flowing inside of me and around me. How i would like to direct that energy. So at the moment in my life its not all about the intercourse.
Those who have it. Think it’s worth it>Those who don’t>Think it’s overrated…>>>Is it really overrated?>Are we talking about real purity or just the hymen? They are two different things.>>Virginity as associated to fake hymen reconstructed to a whore who has done everything under the sun. Is overrated…>>But true physical (and most importantly MENTAL virginity) is not!>>In fact, it’s the greatest gift a woman (or a man) can present to his life long partner.
qwaider: nicely put but I disagree. I know women who are with their husbands and their husbands are their first and only and these women desire to be with other men desperately. They are not whores, but they are sexually dissatisfied. I lie to them and tell them they are blessed to have given themselves to only one man. When honestly I’m thinking I could not imagine being sexually frustrated for my entire life all because of this big over exaggeration about staying a virgin until marriage. >>I’m all for good sex, safe sex, and sacred sex (sacred not meaning saving virginity for one person throughout your entire life or actually having penetration).sacred meaning the right flow of energy from one person to another or using that sexual energy for other things.
hahaha! nobody’s a virgin, life fucks all.
losing a virginity doesn’t even have a meaning. What is it that you lost? If anything, you just tried something new and gained one more little experience in life.>My friend had her first sex at 15, then decided she’s not ready for it and waited until she was 21 to have sex again. Between the ages of 15 to 21 was she a virgin or not?>>Nika, I’m not sure about the sexually dissatisfied comment you made. I do agree that women by nature (just like men) are not monogamous. But, that doesn’t mean married people are necessarily dissatisfied. >I’ve only been with one man…mainly because i come from a conservative background (Jordan) and I was taught that otherwise it would be the end of the world. Even though looking back I think it is stupid, I still don’t regret it, it is now part of who I am. And I don’t feel dissatisfied, there is always a lot to do and a lot to try 🙂>>Qwaider, why is it a gift? what do you do with it?
When I lost my virginity to the man I loved the most, only to discover that I wasted something so great on someone so low.>I felt devastated. I wanted him to be the one and only.>Luckily, my husband was understanding and didn’t care. But from time to time. It would come up>I’m almost 40 now and the bitterness never left. I still hate the one who took what’s not his and what he wouldn’t cherish
It is valuable, when the person thinks of it as the ultimate gift one can present to his life long partner. >But people should understand that it shouldn’t be the same for everyone, in fact it is not the same for everyone. >>Some people value looks, whilst others think it’s overrated. The concept applies to almost everything. >>It is important to note, that when virginity ends up taking lives of innocent young women. Then it IS overrated.
It is definitely overrated in Jordan. We seem to defined half our population by it (women).
why is this poem?
virginity = severe lack of experience>>people who keep their virginity until marriage are running the risk of lack of sexual compatibility to the partner, no?>>what the hell is the “gift” btw? is lack of knowledge/experience a gift? is abstaining from the pleasure brought by the only reason we exist (which is to reproduce and have sex)?>>it’s overrated. >>ps @observer it’s nice to finally know your gender – makes me even more impressed by your posts.
Who are you to throw everything that I held sacred in my life in the garbage? Who are you to say that what I’ve been doing and maintaining is worthless and overrated?>You claim that you’re all for women’s liberation, yet the first thing you do is what? Take the most sacred thing a woman has and equate it to garbage! Bravo mr OBserver!>>What do you know about pain? What do you know about suffering? What do you know about worry? You think it’s EASY for anyone to maintain their virginity in this day and age?>>Thank you for throwing the years I’ve saved, protected and respected my self in the garbage. Thank you very much for taking one more thing away from women. Instead of fighting for more rights for us.>>Look, if someone wants to sleep around and lose her virginity to the first ally cat she finds, she can be my guest. But for the millions who take care of themselves and protect their honor. For the women who DIED protecting themselves and their honor for those millions, you owe us a an apology
OUF!>>Good topic. Virginity is overrated but at the same time, it’s still a benchmark for bride material in the Arab World. All those hymen reconstruction surgeries are not for nothing!!!>>Ironically enough, some women are not even born with hymens! And some women break them by accident, like falling off a bike can do it.>>Unfortunately, many uneducated individuals considered this a hallmark of virginity, especially in the Arab World.
To a different perspective:>>I don’t believe in Monogamy at ALL when it comes to human (http://nikabrightlightwarrior.wordpress.com/2008/04/08/i-do-believe-monogamy-exist-only-when-you-are-with-your-soulmate/)! I’m only talking about some married friends of mine, not all of them. Lots are satisfied with their sexual life inside of their marriage. For those that are not I do feel like it is due to lack of sexual education and experience. That is all I’m saying. >>I still could not imagine going through my marriage not being sexually satisfied, very sad cause a healthy sexual life in a marriage (I think) is critical and for those that differ (I believe) have not had GOOD SEX and don’t have a clue what GOOD SEX is! >>To move on and switch it up…>>By saying Virginity is overrated. It is not taking anything away from that woman or man who is saving herself/himself for that special someone (spouse maybe)>It really just depends on the person and that person’s mentality. If it’s a gift that they are saving to give to that special person then let it be a gift and hopefully it is appreciated when given, and hopefully it is not regretted after given.
life, effft! 😛>>Marie, you seem to have a very healthy sexual life. I am so happy for you xxx 🙂 >>Qwaider, it is a fake gift where people risk a long life of sexual incompaitability and dissatisfaction!>>Moey, life is good 😛>>a different perspective, you are right. There is no loss here! It is a gain of a new experience. But I think that everyone has missed the point, and which is how intercouse is not really the main sexual pleasurable act for everyone, no?>>Maha, maha ya maha, don’t regret anything. He didn’t really take anything! You were ready to practice your sexuality with a person you loved. That is wonderful. Your husband shouldn’t make you feel shame about it. Did he ever have sex before you get married? >>Yazan, and when it is connected to sexual intercourse that may not be as important to everyone it is overrated then? no? >>zeit o za3tar, belzabt!>>hareega, it isnt really a poem! hehee>>Majd, you said it really well! Thank you!>>Are you referring to my gender in related to this post? Haya is a fictional character. I am a man 🙂
Dr. Maysa fraij, what I really like to see women doing is to stop worrying about others and stand up for themselves. Your body and sexuality should be sacred to you not a fake notion of honour that is socially constructed to limit women freedom and control their sexuality. >>Your life should be sacred and your loyality to your nature as a woman who have different kind of needs. You shouldn’t be hard on yourself and force yourself to carry this burden on your shoulder so that to please other people and then blame me for it! It is not my fault that the human perspective is maturing to give women their rights over their bodies and their nature. >>I am sorry that this may have shocked you. This is life, we learn new things. We mature. We let go of certain lies and embrace new visions. >>Madame Mansour, thank you! It is sad that we have built this strong culture over honor and pride that is based on a hymen! We really have a very narrow minded views of sexuality!
here are my two cents >>this is a very culture dependent topic. to try and project one view as the right one is invalid. >>Virginity is overrated, and it isn’t overrated. if a person who thinks it isn’t, it isn’t. if they think it is, then it is. it’s a matter of choosing whether or not this is a factor to put into any calculation. and whether or not your circle is the right circle to belong in.>>and i think it’s important to try and view your post as a random ramble by a random person to shed some light on how much this matters to some people instead of an attempt to change the mass’s thought about the topic.
mazz, I think that like most of the other people here, you missed the point. >>I am trying to highlight that intercourse is not the only sexual act a person can enjoy. In fact, a lot of people enjoys other sexual acts better. This is something we ignore by emphasizing on virginity. >>What I am trying to do is sharing a different perpective of the issue for people reading this blog.
this discussion has always fascinated me. i mean really — is virginity all about penetration? if i haven’t been penetrated i’m still a virgin? and does anal sex count?>>i think the point is for each and every individual to decide for her and himself what intimacy is. what do i want to do? what don’t i want to do? and with whom?
This is a personal issue at the end of the day, things have as much value as we give them. >The culture doesn’t even discuss any of the other acts since they are not considered to be valid options (atleast sodomy or fellatio) so there are no other options to define sex with. >Also culture defines sex ultimate purpose is to procreate so the enjoyment factor is not considered either. >So that’s why i say its a personal thing to put as much credence into the arguments put forth by society. To all the virgins and were-once-virgins don’t be such martyrs when someone undermines your choice, and don’t cry about how hard it is (here is a lollipop, feel better now ?). Don’t try to deny that there will be no difference in sexual experience either…
I think if we are talking about love, you can enjoy fully (Making Love) even with virginity.>>but if we are talking about (Making Sex), i think the main goal is to do the “fuck” thing only!!! because other things is more related to emotions @ least my point of view.
Charlotta, it is stupid, isnt it? sticking virginity to penetration only!>>bambam, you are right, things have as much value as we give them! Unfortunatly, we allow others to define what is valuable to us!>>Malik, interesting point of view, although i disagree with it. You can also enjoy ‘making sex’ without penetration 🙂
What I find funny about this topic is that all of you are discussing this issue from a physical or emotional point of view?>>How about if anyone says anything from a RELIGIOUS point of view? I know that our society is retarted when thinking about the virginity issue, however, what does your religious views about this subject?
Anon, you are right, I asked that in the post. Do you have any answers?
I liked your article. It made me think of a broder topic: what is sexuality? It is a pleasure? Is it a social norm? Is it only for reproduction? Is it a need?>>I invite you to read the Declaration of Sexual Rights: http://www.worldsexology.org/esp/about_sexualrights_english.asp
observer, maybe i am missing your point. I get it when you say “intercourse is not really the main sexual pleasurable act for everyone”, but I don’t get how this relates to how virginity is overrated in Jordan. From my experience with Jordanians all sexual acts are frowned upon even if there is no penetration. Even kissing is a big deal to some people>>Nika, I agree with you. I don’t think humans are monogamous. And I do think good sex is vital for good marriage. >>What troubles me the most about the concept of saving yourself is that it is often emphasized more to girls than boys. And generations are growing up with the mentality that girls by having sex are ‘losing’ virginity or are taken advantage off or simply are not getting as much out of it as the boy they are having sex with. While boys, by having sex are ‘scoring’. They are getting more out of it than the girl they are having sex with. This mentality is not only very sexist, but it can also be damaging to how women feel about their sexuality and hence enjoy sex.>>It’s not only an Arabic thing, many of my western friends think that men should pay for dates, dinner, parking…etc. because they are having sex with them. Which implies that their boyfriend is getting more out of sex than they are, and they need money to equalize things. I always tell my friends that they should work on their sexual life rather than include money!>>American TV often shows a wife withholding sex because she is angry at her husband, which implies that he needs/enjoys it more than she does. It is never the opposite.>>The way Dr. Maysa’a is putting it…that women die protecting themselves and their honor (by not having sex) goes hand in hand with the mentality that virginity is something women have, and men take away from. Thus, in sexual acts, men get more out of it than women do. So does the way Ma*ha puts it when she says “he took something that is not his and wouldn’t cherish”.>>It is for this very reason that women don’t have a healthy outlook on their sexuality and hence don’t enjoy it as much as they could have. So, it is a cycle, culture re-enforces itself. People like my friend end up trying to equalize things with money instead of working on their sexuality.>>These mentalities are sexist! >>mazz1983, I’m not saying the other point of view is invalid, I’m saying that it is sexist, and it takes away from women rights.
Although I have read a lot of posts on this blog, but for the first time in my life I had this urge to really reply to someone! >>” Dr. Maysa’a Fraij ” this is for you.>>may I ask you question. is virginity is the most sacred thing for females! and what amaze me is after this statement you accused the observer from taking away more rights from the females rather than fighting for more rights! >><>WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<>>>first.. i don’t know if its only me, but I always thought that I should respect the women in front of me for her mind, not a small part of her virgina! obviously the right you seeking is a different right that what us MALES understand! but who am I to guess, you are a doctor, so you definite know that us MEN should value the virginity of a female before giving her a responsibility it seems from your point as a doctor that’s what is sacred and that’s what we should fight for! anyway for me I will always fight for anybody who lost their virginity BECAUSE THATS THEIR BODY AND THEY AS A HUMEN ARE MORE IMPORTENT THAT A SMALL THING THAT SIMPLY CAN BE LOST FROM RIDING A HOUSE!>>another thing.. what is the thing about women died for saving their honor! other than women refusing being raped I NEVER HEARD ABOUT WOMEN ALL THROUGH HISTORY DIED FOR SAVING THIER HONOR! but again, who am I to judge, you are the DR! although women in history (and sure not all of them) but many of them, used sex as a tool to reach their goal! >>one last thing, look at the Jordanian society now a days, there are sooooo many single females, who reach their 30’s without knowing any man (as they claim of course), and many are as they claim, and I wonder, is it fair for those frustrated women to waste all their live without having one of the human basic needs which is sex! girls go have sex, loose your virginity, enjoy life, we only live once, and your respect should be gained based on sexual tendencies, it should be upon your ideas and MANNERS.>>one last thing DR. virginity can be restored with simple surgical procedure, but honor which is something deeper that that, is something you gain not something you born with.>>sorry the observer for getting away from your discussion, virginity is totally overrated, religious opinion against sex in general, of course depends on the “god” you believe in 🙂>but if you believe in any of the common “gods” in our region, you will go to hell if you had too much sex 😉 (since you’ll have you heaven on earth 😉
hey Arz, thanks for the link. You got me thinking of those questions as well 🙂>>A different perspective, it is because virginity is related to intercourse! If the hymen is intact, then a woman is safe! A lot don’t realize that people can enjoy themselves sexually without penetration. >>Anon, I am glad Dr Maysa pushed you to comment! Well said 🙂
@Observer, I think YOU missed the point.>People value virginity for the need to feel special, to feel they are “the one” for the one who they love, that’s how it all started. Maybe our society now takes it and twists it in weird ways but the idea is the same, to feel that this person is mine and I am his/hers.>>You are correct, some people enjoy sex in ways which don’t include intercourse, some people feel that true love is the ultimate orgasm but all of this is not in ones hand, you can’t control it. But what you can control is what you do with your body. The hymen is a symbol because its the only thing that can be “proved”…Believe me if there was a way for people to prove if one loved before or not they would use it as well to “measure up” a possible partner…And believe me, women would jump on it even before men!>>But there isn’t!>>So you see, the hymen is a symbol and in that way it may not be very useful “measure” of dedication, love or faithfulness since there are other ways to cheat, but if its gone then there is your proof that something did happen.>>If a woman decides to give her virginity to someone it is up to her and her beliefs, no one can really force her either way and she is the one who has to live with that decision…And maybe her family 🙂
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I agree that this is a personal issue, and one solution does not fit all. I was married for more than 10 years. My ex-wife was my first, and that was all I knew for the extent of my marriage. Because I was a virgin before marriage, I had nothing in which to compare, but I knew that I was unsatisfied. There was something deeper missing in our relationship that made the sexual parts feel hollow.
After the divorce, I met a woman, one that I consider my soul mate. Our relationship is vastly different than my first, and the physical relationship is a million times better because there is something emotionally deeper involved.
In the second relationship, neither of us were virgins, but we gave each other our souls, and the difference was amazing.