I have been the most beautiful girl in my class
I have been the softest and the tenderest
I had a low voice and a delicate movement
to sum it all
My femininity was unmatchable

Girls envied me
Boys worshiped me
I lived like a princess
and enjoyed the spell of my beauty on people around me

Many men started proposing to me a year after reaching my puberty
That was at 11!
I was a kid
but enjoyed the attention

My family managed to keep the grooms away
till I got my tawjihi degree
that was the time when I turned 18
The time I met my prince charming

Our families arranged for our marriage
We had this agreement that I can still pursue my bachelor degree
and I did

Five years passed, and we bore no children
The envy eyes and gossips of the beautiful young couple turned into pity
Lies and rumors came out from everywhere
They said, he loves someone else
They said, she refuses to have sex with him
They said, he is castrated
Others said, it is God’s will…He doesn’t give it all

We said, it is still early for us to have children
We were young and life is still ahead of us

In reality, we were dying to have one
Not just to please ourselves
but also to make our parents happy
and shut up the mouths of other people

His mother advised us to go see a doctor
and we did

My world fall apart
It turned out that I carry a male genetics
My sexual chromosomes turned out to be XY!
and they said that I suffer from Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome!!

I was speechless
and so was my husband!
We refused to believe it
We felt betrayed and cheated!
What does that mean to me?
What does it mean to him?

He questioned the validity of our marriage
and I questioned my gender identity!
I am still is the same person
and didn’t start feeling like a man after the discovery!
I begged him to ignore it and let it go

We had counseling
We had a marriage crisis
and we were about to go apart
I tried suicide
but failed

Eventually, we decided to face it
accept it and move on
for I am the same, and he is
Our love has been greater than sex and gender
and our perception of life grew and changed

It helped to know that I was not alone with such case
and that it affects around 0.1% of a society
that means around 3000 Jordanian (Thank you Hareega for the info)

I just hope that other’s husbands would be as understanding, loving and supportive like mine
For I know how bad it would be if mine scandalize me
claiming that my family married him to another man!

Regards,
Haya