It is awful the kind of relationship we have between the groom’s family and the bride in the days proceeding the wedding. Regardless of whether it is a traditional arranged wedding or not, most of the Jordanian family still do follow certain traditions that emphasises on the value of the bride as a property to be sold. It starts from the ‘JAHA’ where the grooms family gathers all their relatives and friends and move towards the bride’s house. Men with men, and women with women. Women dance and celebrate while men do the agreement. The highest status member of the groom’s asks for the hand of the bride while emphasising on his family value and social status along with the status of the groom and their desire of having such contract with the bride’s family. The highest member of the bride’s family talks about the grooms high morals and accepts the offer. All done at the men’s side while the bride dancing in the other room with the women!
It doesn’t stop here. It is hard to neutralized the mother of the groom in the days of engagement and planning for the wedding. While it is one thing having the bride welcoming her future mother-in-law as a friend and helper with her experience in planning up her wedding and picking her future house and furniture, it is different when the mother-in-law treats the bride as a sold property where she has to prove her obedience to the groom and his family through that period. Interference doesn’t stop in giving some advices here and there, most mother-in-laws do have the upper hand even in chosing the wedding gown and the jewleries for the bride.
The sad thing is that brides do pride themselves among their relatives and friends with the amount of jewlery their future husband get to them as if they emphasize on their value as a market item.
What surprises me the most is that at the time where women are getting more and more financially independant where they are equally capable to support their future home as much as the man they are going to marry (sometimes even more), they still abide with such degrading rules. They still fear the nightmare of staying celebate because of their independence, and they long for the groom’s family acceptance (especially his mother)!
What is also ironic is that women are women worse enemy even here. The most hurtful part in this process is the mother-in-law condensing behaviour. It is like if she is saying ‘I have been hardly following the rules of society for so long, serving my husband and family all those years as society expects me to do. Now I will make sure to ensure that you will be giving the same treatment to my son that I gave to my husband’
Too bad! Women stand up for yourselves. Stop the JAHAT! It won’t be a scandal! People would talk a bit and then forget about it when more and more women act this way. You are an equal part in this society, you have to fill up your new role. You are no longer a follower.