I feel numb, dizzy and blurred.
But I feel also calmness, surrenderess and love.
A combination of a flu, computer screen, and lack of work effect.
Having to come to work because IT IS JUST a flu –> need to go to a Dr
Not being able to stay home because I HAVE to get a medical report
while I am not courageous enough to do so because of a PREVIOUS BAD experience
especially that my flu isn’t that bad this time
It doesn’t help not having much work to do at this time
to keep me in silence watching my computer screen
and surrender to my current situation
Cursing the doctor who managed to strangle me in such situation
because now, I have to think TWICE before seeking a Dr. demanding for a sick vacation because of a flu
It happened 2 years ago
I had a bad flu
and decided to dismiss work that day
but because the shitty work requests a medical report
I had to consult a Dr.
and so, at 11:00 AM, I called a Dr. clinic from the list I had in my insurance booklet to set an appointment
The secretary answered, and said that the Dr. is busy till 5:00 PM
so we scheduled an appointment at 5:00 PM
I spent the day in bed recovering, and fighting my flu
I then had to push myself to go to the Dr. clinic for the damn medical report
After she did her examination
and obviously realized it is a flu!
and prescribed me some medication
It was the time where I had to request the medical report
and a day off (the one I already took)
and it was also the time where she BURST in anger!
She was a smartass to realize that I have only seeked her for the zeft medical report
and thus, she felt insulted offended
YOU THINK I AM A WRITER?! (Kattabeh) She shouted on my face!
WHY DIDNT YOU GO TO WORK?! YOU DONT FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO STAY AT HOME.
NEXT TIME YOU COME TO MY CLINIC EARLY IN THE MORNING
and I am the one WHO DECIDE whether you should take a sick leave or not!
I was feeling bad Dr. that is why I stayed at home
Isn’t having some rest a requirement for Flu treatement?
Anyway I stayed silent wondering whether I should burst back on her
and save some of my pride
and whether it is worth to dismiss the medical report or not
for feeling good of hitting her back
(I think now that it worthed it)
At that moment
I didn’t act
Maybe I just didn’t want to make a scene
or wanted the damn zeft too bad
I stayed silent and said politely
You don’t have to write it if you don’t want to
Bite my pride as she wrote it in disgust while saying
“You most probably won’t come to my clinic again”
I stayed silent
as if I did a crime!
Telling myself
YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT!
I DONT want to see your ugly face EVER again!
She traumatized me till today
Where I have to suffer so that not to offend another Dr.! :S
and wait here infront of my computer
till the hours pass
and time comes to go back home
to my bed
and lovely pillow
Fadi Zaghmout 
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