There is a severe problem in relationships in Amman. I am talking about pre-marital relationships for people between the ages 20-30.
At this point of time, women are getting in a delimma like never before. With the rapid changes happening in our society of going from a closed conservative society to a more and more open liberal one in less than 20 years time, it is becoming more harder for women to know what is accepted from their behaviour in this society.
Now with more and more women getting better education, going out to work, and achieving more in their careers, they are in more competitive situation like never before to get the right man in their side which is something essential in our society.
The delimma every woman in amman deals with is how to maintain an accepted moral social or religious values while at the same time deals with the flow of the advancement of our society.
One would say that moderization doesn’t have to contradict with our values, but that isn’t necessary true. For instance 20 years ago, women going out in the same car with another man even if he is just a friend wasn’t acceptable. Now, and eventhough you can still see some women worried of getting into other males friends car, you can see that it much more accepted than before.
I guess that it is even fair to say that current generation of university and school students find it odd for a girl not to have a boyfriend which was something forbidden a decade ago.
Unfortunatly the shadow of the old mentality is still dictating curent relationship. Now that people started accepting pre-marital relationships, women have still to decide the picture of such relationship. How much she is willing to give the man she loves might backfire on her. Giving too much might put her in a bad light, and holding back much would just put more strain to her relationship.
In the other hand, and while men’s mentality is changing, there is still a big portion of men who are ready to date many women for fun while end up marrying someone they barely know because they think that women who date are not good for marriage.
Bad men and women didn’t leave a room for the good ones to feel comfortable in their relationships. There are a good portion of open minded men who suffer from the holding back of the women they love, and their are many women who are suffering because they gave much in a previous relationship, there are also many women suffering in silence for their fear of the time passing without them being able to get married because they find it in appropriate to give more and so ending up invincible in a competitive society.
A complicated formula that each one has to play among his/her circle of people. I guess more trust in other people would give a small solution to this cumbersome problem.
Paying too much attention to the norms of society kills personality development. And if those norms make a suffering it is allowed to break them and become a reformer.
Women are intuitive creatures. They have to listen to their hearts and intuition and then decide to give or not to give. 🙂 If it happened that woman trusted to womanizer, and gave him too much, it will be a life lesson for her, and thanks God, if she doesn’t marry him, as after marriage he most likely will not change to better.
The problem my friend is that the people who live in our society are are a bunch of actors, this might sound harsh but its true. Especially the ones who come from west Amman who are exposed and studied abroad, they come with supposedly different western mentalities thinking that they have changed but when it turns serious whether a relationship or anything its the same old mentality that is very close minded.I am sure you will say that not all are like that but i will disagree with you.
lax, I say that a woman should enjoy her life without much worrying. If the man she trusted turned out to be not worth the trust then it is his problem, she can always move on with a better man.
Agree with you, so pleasant to observe an equitable observer 🙂
It is pleasant to have you reading my blog lax as well, thanks for the compliment 🙂
It has been born with society that women suffer more becasue of other people’s prejudices. It’s not a worthy life to live if women would always succumb to what society dictates, even if they’re not happy with it. The prying eyes of people could make any woman not want to live a life. Heck! People can just gossip all they want as long as women are happy doing what they wanna do!
Amen trex eden, amen 🙂
Sadly you are right , I’m a guy and I know how some or even most guys think , they think that because they are males they can do whatever they like before marriage , and dating for most of them are just a way to spend time and enjoy life , most of them when they want to get married they go and marry someone they never met , which is really stupid is you ask me , so my advice to women in Jordan , don’t give too much , even if you think you love the guy , you never know what he thinks about you .
Mohammad, i guess it is a 2 way sword, if a woman doesnt give much to a relationship she would end up loosing the guy. This happens as well. Usually women in Jordan try to give a bit more and more as the relationship progress, that is why they get more attached to the relationship than the guy, they feel that they invest a lot where they find it hard to go throught it again
I wanna say ur coming from a good point of view, but in the end ur still the same as those guys. 2 say that a girl looses him, isnt it he loosing her for not be willing 2 wait? Why must he be more important than her, i swear shell have an easier time finding a new guy than the guy has finding a girl. And she “lost” a asshole who wouldnt even wait 4 her, whereas he lost someone who had moral and courage enough 2 stand up 4 what she believes in.
Its these subtle things that ppl say in Jordan that makes girls still be less worth than men. That the “liberal” guys still say things like this, and its considerd normal. Noone is questioning society enough, just 2 a certain limit and im afraid itll probably never change in Amman.
Helen Eriksson, I am sorry if it sounded like that to you. I guess that I was talking from a point of view of how most girls in Amman feels.
You are totally right, he might be the one loosing her as well. There is always a chance for a better person from each side.
It is just the pressure on women here is much stronger than men where people feel about a woman getting married as a win to her while it is somehow a loss to the man.
I certainly dont agree with this view, but I see it everywhere.