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Fadi Zaghmout

Women always at fault

I was doing my laundry at his house
He was a friend
Our washing machine broke
I suggest to my mom to take our laundry to my friend’s house
We have been friends for several months
and we have many common friends

so I didn’t expect him when..
I didn’t expect him to..

He came into the laundry room playing with himself!
I looked in disbelief
and was outraged, really outraged
I ran to leave the house
leaving the laundry behind, for it didn’t matter anymore
He followed me
and grabbed me from my arm strongly
I got scared
He pushed me on the sofa
and pushed himself over me
I felt parallized
and didn’t know what to expect
I had to react, in anyway
I got all the courage I have, and warned him firmly
If you are not going to leave me alone now, I will make sure to tell everyone about this

Thank God!
He backed off!
I was relieved
He started telling me that he loves me and that he wants me
I took my laundry while still frightened and left

I was in shock
and didn’t want to see him again
Our friends started to question me
It was my word against him

Why were you in his house they asked?
I should have expected that reaction!
No matter how much of a victim a woman can be, it is always her fault

I am the immoral bitch who trusted the decency of a male friend
and his kind proposal for me to have my laundry at his house

You never know where a predator lies? no?

and you know what hurts the most?
It isn’t that he betrayed the trust I gave him
and freaked the hell out of me
but
the injustice you feel when someone hurts you and your friends who you depend on
just stand still
questioning your credibility and honesty

It hurts
but what can I do
I was in his house! It justifies it, no?!

With love,
Haya

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Responses

  1. loolt Avatar
    loolt

    chilly, shocking and disgusting

    Like

  2. Devil's Mind Avatar
    Devil's Mind

    Typical date rape scenario. It sure feels awful being raped (or attempted to be raped) by someone you trust.As for blaming the victim, yes thats a common practice that needs to be abolished. The problem is that some women blame themselves (before being blamed by others).

    Like

  3. trekni 2ool Avatar
    trekni 2ool

    you cant imagine the shock i had on my face!observer..very strong point of view, shows the filthy side of not only being a victim of a near rape, but a psychological and social victim of people’s misjudgements..haya..being a female does not mean that you re a common property..be strong and fight back!

    Like

  4. Zaid Avatar
    Zaid

    Somehow the women always get the blame, and I can never understand how people jump to this conclusion?!?I don’t know what’s more disgusting the social reaction or the attempted rape?

    Like

  5. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    “and you know what hurts the most?It isn’t that he betrayed the trust I gave himand freaked the hell out of mebutthe injustice you feel when someone hurts you and your friends who you depend onjust stand stillquestioning your credibility and honesty”something very similar happened to me. although it is very damaging, you do learn who your true friends are.

    Like

  6. nadine Avatar
    nadine

    Being in his house justifies nothing. He’s not a decent human, full stop. This passive aggressive attitude towards women victims is one of the sick, messed up things wrong with this world! People who judge you wrong because of social stigma or fear on their behalf will never be friends, not to you, not to someone else, not to themselves. Never allow such reactions to break you, no matter what, no matter from who. The disappointment/disbelief in how people flake out from sincere support hurts, yes, but if you can weather it, the day after you will emerge mighty.I don’t know what kind of closure you need to get over this situation. If you are looking for something to do, think about writing him a detailed, blunt letter on how you felt/feel. Don’t forget to ask him how he’d react if his mother, sister, wife, daughter comes home one day and tells of a similar incident. It gets you gushing it all out and allows him one chance to apologize and redeem himself and hopefully never do it to anyone ever again, or if he’s rotten, then you will have said your thing to the scum bag and moved on.

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  7. Haya Avatar
    Haya

    Dear All,first of all, I must say that what every woman must do, is surround herself, with friends, as strong and honest as The observer. This had a strong impact on me, yet I was very hesitant to tell, I struggled with different feelings ,I didn’t know what would happen and I knew no one would believe me. But the observer and another great friend of ours, stood by me and made me fearless and strong and I cant be more thankful. Even after I picked up my strength and told what happened, I started losing my courage again, after being attacked and accused, and I wished for many long nights that I didn’t say a word! Now… I know.. what I did was right! Those whom I lost where not real friends to keep… and I know they all deep inside know the truth and they all know.. non of them is strong enough to face it! Always,Haya

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  8. kinzi Avatar
    kinzi

    Haya, precious one, it was not your fault. Do not allow the false shame of others stick to your soul. You were strong and courageous, and truth and righteousness were your best weapons. You fought well.

    Like

  9. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    So Haya, how about we hear the other side of the story, from the person you say he is guilty? As I don’t like to judge from a story I heard from one person. Was this your first time doing the Laundry there? Was this the first time that guy tried to attack you or flert with you? Was this all a surprise to you in that day only?These questions needs an answer, but how would we know? after all you are a fiction character

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  10. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    anon, so what if the guy flirted with her before? What if he did and she ignored that? Does that give him a permission to assault her?What if she was naive enough to ignore previous flirting gesture of him? Does that make her guilty?and what if she it wasn’t her first time she did laundry at his house, and he didn’t attack her before? does that make any change?What other side you want to hear? the side of denial the whole situation? I don’t think that any answer for your question would change the horrible aspect of the situation. Poor Haya…she needs a prove for people to believe her! Women is always at fault, no?

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  11. a different perspective Avatar
    a different perspective

    It is quite typical to blame the woman. A friend of mine got into a car accident in Jordan, because some guy was leaning his car on her as a form of flirtation I guess. And, when her car crashed, he just took off. Off course, it was her fault – she was wearing a sleeveless top. Somehow, it justifies him being an irresponsible driver.As for Haya, I advice her not to overwork herself over it. It’s not that terrible. He did back off, he’s not a rapist. He’s still guilty though, so she should keep her distance from him. I had a similar experience to Haya, except no one blamed me. I’m writing a post about it to find out if the Jordanian blog sphere blames me.

    Like

  12. Arz Avatar
    Arz

    Male domination… Men oftenly is our region pretend to be stronger, more intelligent and superior to women. I think women should understand that they have 50 percent of the power. They are the ones who carry the babies in their wombs for 9 mounths. They give birth. It is something fantastic that men should accept. We are all equal in rights! We are all just human beings! We can make a change!

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  13. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Observer, “anon, so what if the guy flirted with her before?” ofcourse it matters, as if she knew he is a flert from the first place then she shouldn’t go to his house knowing that he is a flert and that she will be alone with him. For Gods sake, are women in this country that naive? It’s either Haya’s IQ is very low or the guy is so stupid to do that and then back off. Maybe he was testing her waters. True all is wrong but that’s why we should look into the facts before we become judgemental.It realy discusts me when women are so naive (usualy they pretend to be) and when men take advantage of such a situation. One last question, why on earth was Haya doing her laundry at a man’s house she doesn’t trust or know well. What happened to people washing tehir clothes before the invention of electricity? what about washing at the neighbors, relatives, female friends?we might trust our male friends but where is your IQ girl?

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  14. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    a different perspective, I look forward to read your story.Arz, heyyyyy :), women should stand up for themselves! I agree.Anon, so in your logic, if a guy flirted with a girl, and she either flirted back or she didn’t, then that allow him to force himself sexually on her??!!! What if the guy was a friend she trusted?! How that is related to IQ?! People with high IQ can also have big hearts, no? They would turst the goodness of people, no? and would trust their friends to behave respectfully towards them. ‘Maybe he was testing her waters’lol! Now that it hilarious! Testing the water?! Do you come on your gril friend by playing with yourself??! What a sick way of testing her waters!!ya 3ammi, she trusted her male friend and what sounded like a sincere offer for her to have her laundry at his house. Why using old washing methods! What kind of questions are these!!!

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  15. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    anonymous you are hilarious! 🙂is there even such a term as “testing her waters” ? 🙂well, ofcourse we should look into all facts first, BUT some of the facts may include that… she considered him a good/ close friend, or maybe he is gay, and she never expected him to do such a move, but you never know the sick side of such people… these are facts, that we, for sure, should look into!And what are you suggesting? that if he had flirted with her, in simply some compliments, to do what? stop talking to him? just because he may have told her.. “you are beautiful” i think what he did was way beyond the line, and not justifiable in any way. and i think in order for anyone to understand any problem like this, as you are suggesting, one should ‘talk’ and ‘listen’ to both sides, is that what you did? 😉and besides, what are friends for? arent they to help and be there for eachother? she didnt like..go to a strangers house to do her laundry!

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  16. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    I am so sorry to hear of what you went through. It is a betrayal by him and your “friends”. This incident is not your fault.You have the right to mourn this lack of understanding and support from your friends. I suggest you report him. Even though you were in his house, you were there because you trusted his sincerety in allowing you to do your laundry at his home. People like this are often repeat offenders. Chances are he has done this before and most probably got away with it. I am saying this because of statistics and personal experiences. As a child I was sexually molested by my own grandfather. My mother and aunts knew he was a pedophile but never thought he would victimize his own blood. I found this out when I was older and told my mother what had happened. It had repeatedly happened when I was a little girl aged 4-9, (we saw him usurally only once a year, sometimes twice) I didn’t tell anyone as I was afraid no one would believe me. I was afraid it was some how my fault. When I think back on that period of time, I wonder why no one ever questioned why I never wanted to go see my grandfather as a child. This should have been a BIG warning sign to them that something was wrong. If my mother had reported her father was doing this when she was a child or after she had grown it would not have happened to me. If her friends who he molested had reported it to their parents or authorities it would not have happened to me. (Please do not mistake what I am saying. I do not hold any anger towards my mother or aunts. I wish them a life of peace.)My point is, if more people would report these rapes, or attempted rapes or molestations. There certainly would be fewer victims. When I was 16, I went to visit my mother who had moved 900 miles away from us several years earlier. She went to some kind of holiday party and I stayed and played cards with my “new” girlfriends. After 9 pm I left to go back to my moms apartment down the hall. With out being seen- a man grabbed me and pulled me behind the stairwell, he attempted to rape me. He had a knife at my throat and was high on drugs. The only thing he had succeeded in was beating me pretty badly, and slicing off most of my clothes, no one heard my screams.After all was said and done, he was gone and I went back to my friends house – it was only 9:20 pm. All this had happened in 20 min.! I thought it was hours later. Needless to say, when we went to court I found out he had been previously charged 3 times already and had gotten away with it!!! The girls he had raped were either wearing “clothes” that provoked him, or had been drinking or doing drugs along with him. (I do not believe a man has a right to rape anyone regardless of what the woman is wearing–he has no right to touch her!)Anyway, since I was a “virgin” as proven and stated by the hospital I went to that night, he was sentenced to two years in prison. I think he got off too lightly. The police told me that guys like this are reported 1 in 10 times. They think they can get away with it. Report him! Don’t worry about your so called “friends”. They will take your story more seriously if you report it and he won’t try that on you again. Don’t let him think he can get away with it by not reporting him or next time he just may rape you. I don’t know if its too late or what your area’s rules are. But if you have a big brother or someone who is bigger than he is, you might have them tell him to not touch you or try anything like that ever again. Shame on him for doing that to you!It will also make others think twice before attempting something like that again. I wish more women would report these things and save the rest of us in doing so.Good luck to you!

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  17. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    Anons, I am sorry to hear about you have went through. Thanks for trying to help. I guess that it is a bit too late now to report the guy, but I am sure Haya took some measurment to give him a good lesson. She no longer talk to him now, so she is safe 🙂

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