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Fadi Zaghmout

Marriage, love and society

One of the beautiful things that I have learnt in childhood is the sacred of marriage. Having raised in a small home with two loving parents who don’t seize to show affection to each other, and hearing stories of cinderella, snow white and other fairy tales have created the notion of an eternal union between two souls who are meant to be togather.

Now that I have matured, and like a lot of other things that have been ruined by facing reality, reading history books, and getting to know what dictates our behaviour as human beings. I do realize that marriage has never been only about love. It has always been a cooperation between two people to face life.

While I do understand the history of marriage and the needs of our ancestors in order to create such an association that became the core of any human society. I am also aware that marriage have evolved with the evolvement of humans to stand on a basic element to survive which is love.

It has never been in history easier to live alone than our current time. Marriage has lost most of the necessity survival factors. It is now built on our inheritance of social standards and a couple’s love.

As our social standards evolve, we are going to see more and more people choose celibacy as a way of life.

Jordanian conservative society puts a great emphasize on marriage as a sacred entity. Love is growing to an essential factor in the minds of many to keep a marriage successful. Men seems to broke the circle and get partial acceptance of staying celibate, but women are still facing much pressure of society to get married.

Not getting married has become a nightmare for most women in Jordan. The pressure starts in early adulthood as of 18 years old and becomes stronger with each year in a woman’s life. With the other constraints we have on women like keeping them the target of men’s choice where they are not allowed to have an active role in getting a partner, we are making it an impossible situation to many.

And so, with all of that pressure of society, love (which is the main factor to keep a marriage these days) are ignored for the sake of the acceptance of society.

To be continued…

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Responses

  1. kinzi Avatar
    kinzi

    Observer, do you mean men by celibate that men aren’t marrying? That is one definition, but I think the most common definition is abstaining from sex.

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  2. kinzi Avatar
    kinzi

    I wanted to add one more thought…when women are willing to co-habitate without marriage, men are less likely to marry. I hope Jordan doesn’t follow this pattern, as it leaves women much worse off.

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  3. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    Yes Kinzi, I mean men who are not married yet. Sex is a major reason for people to get married in our society.

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  4. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    Kinzi, It is good to encourage people into marriage, but it has become an obligation, a necessity to fit in society. Women with average looks in their 20’s panic each day of the thought of being left out without a husband.Our shallow society puts a specific age (a validity period) for women to become brides. Once women enter their 30’s they lost their chances. Sure we have special cases, and yes society is changing, but still most know that 30 is the age where in our society it is over for a woman to have any chance to get a husband.

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  5. kinzi Avatar
    kinzi

    I see what you are saying now, and I know several women in the throes of the panic.I see marriage as an incredible blessing, truly two becoming one. When it is just a cultural obligation, that beauty seems lost.I was blessed to have a career, own a home and see the world before I got married at 31. Those things made me a better life partner AND be more thankful to be married.

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  6. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    I personally believe that the more mature a person gets the more chances a marriage has to be successful. I am sure that your career, going around the world, and experiencing other things have helped you in making the best choice of choosing your parnter. Wish you both a long time happiness…

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  7. kinzi Avatar
    kinzi

    Uuqbal 3ndak!

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  8. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    Thanks you 🙂

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  9. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    And yet, for the desire to have children, only men can have the real choice to marry when mature. I have the impression, as a foreigner, that many people here marry just for the sake of obeying to social pressure. Not all, of course, but I was surprised when a friend of mine, Jordanian, 37, told me he needed to marry for kids but has all kinds of extramarital relations. WHen I asked him why he did not divorce he said that love does not exist.Somehow I have the impression marriage is regarded by many as a contract more than a bond full of love and women’s sacrifice or men’s responsibility make most of a union which is more financial than emotional. This makes me sad and surprises me when it comes from young people.I am aware though that being supported finacially is a need of many women here as they do not work.

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  10. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    Yes Mary, I hear you. Unfortunatly this happens in a wide scale in Jordan. Social pressure for marriage is causing us many troubles which can be avoided.Even with the changes happening in society as of women going out and work side by side with men, but still there is a double standard dealing with women at work. They still suffer from lower incomes than men even when they do the same job. They dont have equal chance of climbing up the ladder as of men, and they are expected to give up on their career, or choose a less demanding one when they are married. Unfortunalty women are just more than welcome to dismiss whatever kind of independence they have for the sake of social acceptance of getting a husband!

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  11. mohammad Avatar
    mohammad

    it’s not about love only , it should be 2 ppl who understand each other , who have the same goals in life , who are in the same social status , and a lot more than that , yes love is one of the important things in a marriage but it’s not everything , and I know a lot of marriages that survived without love at first , and later on they fell in love . I guess what am trying to say , I feel sorry for Jordanian and Arabic girls in general , sometimes they just get married for the sake of getting their parents off their back , and here the whole purpose of getting married is “having kids” . I mean if one of them says they he doesn’t want kids , or he do but not now , the whole society will judge him , and he’ll be an outcast , i think i went off topic, back to topic ,and no one chooses celibacy , they just chose not to comprimise and marry the first guy/girl they meet , and i respect that , so again , great topic observer . i hope i didn’t talk for long . PS: see even in this topic kinzi is pressuring you by saying “Uuqbal 3ndak!” , hehehe kidding .

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  12. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    I think that these days it should be mainly about love. The necessity of marriage is no longer as severe as before except for the social acceptance which won’t stay long with the rapid changes that is going on. I personally believe that love should be the main reason for 2 people decide to live togather for the rest of their lives.

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  13. mohammad Avatar
    mohammad

    well , you’ll change your mind with time , as you grow older you’ll change ur mind , i used to think what you think before . for example , i know 2 ppl who are MADLY in love , they spent every hour of every day together for 4 years , and then they just broke up , no because they don’t love each other , but because she’s a muslim and he’s a christian , so her family and his won’t aprove of they getting married , and she’s heart broken now

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  14. The Observer Avatar
    The Observer

    It happes everywhere. Your example shows that there are some obstacles that can stand in the middle of a loved couple relationship but it doesn’t show that love is not what brings 2 people to share a life togather.

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  15. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    I am Indian male. There is similiar issues in India. This is a form of blackmail and threat from society and family if they say, “if you dont get married to so and so, we wont accept you any more”You marry someone who is meant for you. That is what i Believe. that someone can come from any race, any part of this earth.I know many who marry simply because they want please everyone, they marry the wrong man or woman and suffer for the rest of their life in silence. you want that ?You simply dont marry anyone, test the waters, find out who that person is do you really love and marry that person ?marry is all about needing that person to walk with you for the rest of your life.I left india and moved on, got myself a good western nation to live and good exposure to many different cultures and races.this crap does not exist so much among filipinos or indonesians etc, they can remain single till late of age, and yet their society treats them nice and their families still care for them. and its same asian values. THATS what I love.SOMEONE who accepts you as who you are is the true person that truely cares for you, wether good or bad season.and to those who blackmail me, i break them down first without mercy.Get educated, and move on with your life in some other part of earth if you have the ability and settle down.Grown men and women crying oh i am getting pressured to get married, that so lame.grow up and decide your own life. you are adults.fearing others and living for them makes you their dog. nothing more nothing less.Live for the life God gave you. Live for your GOD. not for flesh.

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  16. blog49 Avatar
    blog49

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