Fadi Zaghmout

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Social Pressure – Page 9

She pushed her body out of his arms. Tried to stand up, but couldn’t do that as she fall again. He rushed and grabbed her but she screamed vigorously “Go to hell, leave me alone!”

He was shocked of her reaction; he realized that she is angry on him so he asked her “Have I done anything wrong?” as his eyes caught his email still opened on the laptop’s screen, he ate his words and stood silent for a moment then asked her in disbelief “You read my emails, didn’t you?”

“You are sick!” She shouted, “You love another man? I can’t believe you? At least cheat on me with another woman?” How could you even kiss a man like that? She asked in disgust.

“It isn’t what you think of” he tried to deny. “It was just a joke.” He lied in fear hoping to pass through to her. “Stop lying, I have read everything! All your disgusting love affair” she screamed then proceeded “Oh my God, I loved you! You were my life! My husband! My son’s father! How could you?”

“I love you too” He answered. “Stop lying!” she shouted as her anger grew stronger. “I am not lying, it is just different. My love for Samer is different than my love for you. You won’t understand that is why I hide it” He said.

“Different kind of love?! This is bullshit! Are you excusing your behavior? Am I hallucinating? I have been wondering what’s wrong with you for months now! Am I that ugly for you to end up having sex with another man?!” She asked in tears.

“No, don’t say this, you are beautiful Sarah, it isn’t not about you, please don’t think of that, it is me not you” He said gently trying to hold his own tears then proceed “I have never wanted to hurt you. You are the kindest person I have ever met, but…” He stopped. “But what?” she asked “You are not attracted to me? Why didn’t you marry another woman then?” He took a deep breath, then said in hesitation “That is because I don’t feel attraction for women, at all”.

“What?” She opened her eyes wide trying to digest what she just heard, then asked reluctantly “but you were attracted to me, weren’t you?” she asked

“No, but it isn’t because you are not attractive, it is because you are a woman” He answered in a low voice. “Then you have to see a psychiatrist, you got to get some treatment” she said that as she felt calmer now that he was honest to her while admitting he has a problem.

“I am not sick” He answered. “It isn’t a sickness, believe me. There is no psychiatrist who can change this, I know that you can’t understand it; I have a tough time understanding it myself, and accept it myself. You just need time to adjust.” He said.

She opened her eyes even wider now “Adjust?!! Adjust to my husband’s attraction to other men?! Oh my God Ali, you are religious, you pray and fast, do you fake that as well??” she asked in disbelief.

“No, I don’t, I am religious. I know that this is wrong, but I haven’t chosen it. I can’t fight those feelings. God is forgiving, he would forgive me. I try to make it up with other things. I hope I can” He said while crying now. He couldn’t hold his tears any longer.

To be continued…