A reply from a gay husband: why do we force people to live in hell before they’ve even died?

A while ago, a woman, and after reading Aroos Amman, sent me a letter on Facebook, telling me her story of being tricked into a fake marriage with a gay man who soon left her. She said that she felt like both Laila and Salma in the book for what she went through in her marriage and now what she is going through fearing of ending up alone for the rest of her life.

Today, a gay man replied to that post under the nickname Aziz. He is giving a similar account to Ali in the book. He has been married for five years now and feeling horrible for not being able to give his wife what she needs. He was driven to take this move by family expectations, social pressure and religious fears.

I leave you to read his words, but I wonder, till when are we going to push people into fake relationships? ones that defy their nature? Isn’t it about time to spread a decent sexuality education in our schools?

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Haya’s 30 years bday resolution regarding men.. and women

I thought that 30 years old would be the number where people would stop/shy of asking me questions about when am I going to get married. I was wrong. I now know that people have no shame… no shame at all.

When I am talking about people here, I am mostly referring to other women, those who call themselves friends and seize every little chance to ask me: “Haya, nothing yet happened with you?” “dear, you are 30 now, you have to work harder?” “Haya, you need to change, you are too serious, men don’t like that!”

What the heck! Suddenly, every woman who have a ring in her hand, becomes a relationships expert! The ugliest one from school who married her own cousin, the self-centered one who was madly in love with her boyfriend for 10 years only to leave him for the first wealthy groom who knocked her door, the unconfident, self-pity, woman who drove me crazy because of her fear of never getting married and seized up the only chance she got, and the woman who is nearly my age who only got married 2 months ago and now behaves like she is the queen of the world. All experts now! heh!

But hey, I am Haya. Haya who knows exactly how to strike back; women can ever be good enough, right? I know where to hit. “Aren’t you pregnant yet?” I hit the one with no children yet. “when are you plannin on getting the boy” for the one with a girl child. “only one boy? you need to get him a brother” for those bitches with a son! I always manage to find a way to hit on their nerves.

Honetly, like every other woman, I dream of my wedding day, I dream of finding the right man who would love and cherish me for the rest of my life. That is hard to find these days due to different cultural and personal reasons that sometimes make no sense to me.

Anyway, recently I came up with some realizations that would help me increase my chances of finding the right man, I will do the following:

1. Drop my fear package: Throughout the years, I built this shield of not trusting men. Men have proved to me to be assholes over and over again, and thus, I have always let this barrier of mistrust to eat out from any potential relationship in the horizon and eventually killing it. If I am going to love someone, then I am going to love him fully – with no fears

2. Hit the gym: No matter how much we try to trick ourselves in believing that men do really appreciate our minds, it is always our bodies who they appreciate first! I will take a loan and subscribe at VY. There are many wealthy bachelors out there for me to target.

3. Read the book “why men marry bitches”: It has always amazed me how those women who treated their boyfriends like garbage managed to get them to the alter! Me, being the nice girl, never managed to keep a man for more than 3 months!

4. Social butterfly: The more poeple I meet, the better chance of me meeting the right guy. Whether it is a wedding ceremony, a birthday party, or a cultural event, I will make sure to always be there. That is offline.

For the online, I will make sure to use the power of social networking. I will keep on updating my facebook account with pictures that I take on various events, I will write more here on this blog – if the observer allows me -, and I will be more active on twitter.

5. Expand the pool of *acceptable* husbands: If there are few single men older than me now, then why not looking out for younger? People would talk, but so what? It is becoming a trend anyway.

What else? help me out