ELF session: A Needle and a Thimble [photos]


It was a wonderful session yesterday at the Emirates Literature Festival. I was super happy to see friends, family members, and readers filling the room. My friend, Hani Yakan, did a great job in moderating the session. He introduced me eloquently and was right on point with his question which he masterfully prepared to take us through the one hour session.

He started off with the most important question that lies at the core of the idea of the book and subsequently the discussion of the session. What is gender? Whats the difference between gender as a social construct and sex as a biological one? And from there we moved to talk about the concept of the book. How, building on the complexity of gender and related issues, and its definition of being a set of attributes built over a single biological attribute (sex in our world), I decided to examine it and project it on another world where the human awareness develops differently, to divide gender per height, rather than sex.

That’s the core of the story of “A Needle and a Thimble“, a concept which allowed me to explore gender getting constructed differently. A world where two gender exist; tall people and short ones. A world where gender roles are strict, and attributes are divided per the hight of a person.

After explaining the concept and part of the storyline that takes us through a love relationship between the narrator and middle height (socially rejected) Tawalan. A relationship that follows how the narrator’s gender awareness develops as the storylines unfolds. Hani moved on to ask about important questions related to how I managed to create this parallel world. He asked about the language and the importance of language in developing our gender awareness. Knowing that Arabic language, which I wrote the book in, is a gendered language at its core. He also asked about the solution to the gender issue. Does it lie in a needed revolution, similar to the failed one I presented in the book? or it is an evolutionary process? He also highlighted the gender neutral language forms that started emerging in different languages around the world, asking if that is a natural progression or a forced one?

From there he moved on to asking me about my choice of narrating through women characters in my books, echoing floating criticisms of having male authors using female voices. And here we had the chance to discuss my other books, Laila and The Bride of Amman, which revolve around similar issues we deep sensitive in our society. Some deem them provocative, but that’s the issue of gender now, gender equality, body rights and sexual freedoms are hot topics, and the fight for a more tolerant and just society is a daily struggle.

One of the important questions he asked me is the difference between equality and justice. A discourse that opponents of women rights have been using a lot lately, emphasizing that women are different than men, and consequently it is more important to talk justice than equality. A very critical point here, which I answered from the concept of the book itself, we don’t set different laws for people from different height, do we? when it is clear that in certain situations, people of very tall or very short stature need special attention. In law, people are equal in general, and that what should be applied.

When we opened the questions to the audience, I was happy to hear good feedback from those who read the book. Two sisters said that the book made them realize how silly is the gender issue, when they have been taking it seriously for a long time. Others asked about the impact of creative work in shaping our reality. Which is better starting from reality in creating fictional words, or starting from fictional constructed worlds into shaping ours?

It was an interesting session, a nice discussion, and beautiful audience. Ended with a book signing and a nice dinner with my dear friends who came for support.

Writers and blank pages


It is true what they say about writers and blank pages. As I wanted to start writing my next book yesterday, I sat in a cafe and opened the laptop, opened a new document on pages, and had a full blank page staring at me.


30 minutes later it was still blank. Thoughts racing in my head, how to start? where to start? the scene, the line?


60 minutes later it was still blank. Thoughts wrestling in my head. Which to eliminate? Which to keep? what sounds promising? anything exciting to start with?


90 minutes later it was still bank. I started to worry. Am I unable to start a new book? or the idea of the new book is all wrong? it is an ambitious project that I won’t be able to complete? Did I lose my magic?


At that point I had an idea to explore. Wrote first line, then deleted it. Rephrase. Rephrase again, and again. Don’t be too critical I tell myself, I continue, finishing a paragraph. The idea becomes clearer, it branches into other ideas, putting it into words, shaping it up, the character has a voice.


120 minutes later I had 3 paragraphs written. I am pleased about the beginning and the direction I will take in the book. I stop writing and feel excited about the next session.

Photo Credit: ASHLEY EDWARDS

مشاركتي في مؤتمر نقاط للعقل المطاطي وكلمتي عن التقسيم المبني على النوع الاجتماعي


سعدت بالمشاركة في مؤتمر نقاط للعقل المطاطي الذي عقد في دولة الكويت في شهر نوفمبر الماضي حيث تعرّفت على العديد من الأشخاص الملهمين الذين تحدّثوا في مواضيع ابداعية مختلفة شيقة. يمكنكم الآن مشاهدة كافة الحوارات على قناة نقاط على اليوتيوب.

خلال مشاركتي قدّمت كلمة عن الرواية التّي أعمل عليها والتي تحاول أن تتخيّل عالماً يكون فيه تفسيم النوع الاجتماعي الأساسي مبني على الطول لا الجنس. شرحت فكرة العالم واسقاطاتها على واقعنا وكيف أنّ هذه الفكرة أتتني بعد سنوات طويلة من العمل في مجال الحريات الجنسية والحقوق الجسدية ومحاولة توضيح ما يعنيه النوع الاجتماعي (الجندر) والفرق بين الجندر كصفة اجتماعية والجنس كصفة بيولوجية. أترك لكم هنا الكلمة كاملة لمشاهدتها ويسعدني تلقي تعليقاتكم وأسئلتكم.

كذلك خلال المؤتمر شاركت في ندوة حوارية حول القيود والأعراف الاجتماعية وأثرها على حرية الفرد، يمكنكم مشاهدتها كاملة هنا:

doodle by fido and mlabbas bringing you a line of custom cute kids tshirts


Anyone been with me in a meeting or workshop or any training must have seen me doodling on a paper or a napkin. It has been a long time habit that I love. Just give me a paper and a pen and you’ll see me coming up with different weird shapes topped with dotted eyes, smily faces, chaotic hair, and lines of arms and legs.

It is something that I loved to do since school days. And in my mind, I always thought of how to make something out of this and thus I started last year an instagram account for my doodles (@doodlebyfido). But they were still paper doodles without colors. I wanted to add more life to them and for a long time was thinking about trying digital art. I never got myself to get any digital painting tool until recently when I got my ipad pro and downloaded procreate. And since then, I have been having so much fun, coming with a different colored doodle almost every day. They look livelier with colors and more attractive.. I think.

Mlabbas website
One of my doodles on a Mlabbas tshirt

And yet, I was thinking to myself, how can I turn these doodles to something of more value, since people are loving them. So in my last visit to Amman, I decided to approached Imad Al Shawwa, founder of mlabbas (a tshirt store gone wild as stated on their website). I have always been a fan of them and their work and a regular customer of their Jabal Amman branch. They offer local designer a platform to print their work on tshirts (mainly) but also a list of other items. I thought why not contacting them, and I messaged Imad asking him if we can work together on this project. Thankfully, he welcomed the idea and was very helpful in setting up a channel for doodle by fido on their website.

It is an exciting project for me and I am very happy to work with mlabbas on this. I look forward to see many kids wearing those cool doodles and be happy with the good vibes they project.

So far I am pleased with the reactions and thankful for all of your support.

To visit my channel on mlabbas website and order tshirts for your kids click on: http://doodlebyfido.mlabbas.me/

Haya: On Netflix’s Bonding and Laila and the Lamb


Hello people!
Have you missed me? I am sure you did.
And I am talking to those who were following this blog years back
Like in 2007! (omg feels like ages ago)
Those who know that The Observer is not the only author here
And that I am the infamous “Haya” have actually contributed more engaging and exciting content to this blog.
So Observer but this is true
Whether you agree with it or not!
Yes more “exciting”!
If you don’t believe me, go back and “Google me”
Wait, don’t go and google me as you won’t find anything about me
but search this blog for my older posts.
I promise, you will enjoy reading them.

Anyway, since The Observer started blogging again two weeks ago and I have been itching
I want to blog too!
For new readers, please let me introduce myself
I am The Observer’s female alter ego
The first female voice he used in this writings
Long before those 4 “wanna be” brides in his first book
and long before that boring Janna in his second
who keeps whining and whining about how unhappy she is at a time where she is back to her youth and have all what she wishes for at her fingertips!
What the hell?! Seriously Janna? Just wake up.
If you want Kamil, just go after him and be happy! (rolling my eyes)
And yes, long before his latest dominatrix protagonist – Laila
What the fuck?! How did you get there Observer?

Don’t get me wrong guys, I am all for women empowerment
And yes, there are aspects of Laila’s character that I admire
And I did enjoy reading the book
But that intro page! OMG!
What were you thinking??!
A Jordanian woman wearing a jockstrap and fucking her boyfriend!
SERIOUSLY?
Like SERIOUSLY?
Are you NUTS? Observer?
And then you go all the way and get surprised because the book got banned in Jordan!
Duh!
Did you really expect it to pass censorship? Like really?
It is a book habibi! A printed one! Not your blog!
And you needed to get a reality check!
But hey, I admire your courage
You actually went that far into writing it!
And getting it published!
And talking (shamelessly) about it!
Bravo!
I say bravo although it is not something I would have ever agreed to
If you have consulted me
But anyway, the book is out
And it is banned in Jordan
And people are finding a hard time to find it
Happy?
Enough with berating you
As I actually understand what you were trying to do with that book
I disagree with the means but under where you are coming from
And you people, stop categorizing the book as “pornographic”
Because IT IS NOT!
Yes it has a shocking opening
And few sexual scenes
But IT IS NOT PORN
It is not more of a porn than this new mini series on Netflix called Bonding
If you read Laila and enjoyed it, then you must watch it
It builds on a similar concept
(No Observer, Hollywood is NOT stealing your ideas)
Bonding is a more of comedy series of a dominatrix sex worker with a gay assistant
Intriguing, no?
Original? Despite Observer’s opinion, I’d say yes!
Entertaining? Definitely!
And I have to admit, it feels like it originated from the same line of thinking The Observer had
As in challenging mainstream stereotypes of women’s role in bed
And that’s good – a noble cause I’d say
And while the show taps onto some “disgusting practices”
It does it in a light fun way
Far from the serious tone of Laila
And there is NO SCENE that shows Mistress May (the protagonist of the show) fucking any of her men with a dildo!
(maybe in the second season?) – I bet!
But anyway, there are two things that I want to highlight here
FIRST: I understand that The Observer introduced that scene to provide a critical read for the entire act. He does it clearly towards the end of the story. And to be honest, it is a needed thought provoking read.
SECOND: (*spoiler alter*) Bonding ends with a crime, one that Mistress May commits, and articulates that she can’t report to the police because no one would believe her. That sounds exactly like Tarek’s dilemma in Laila’s story. The same concept of how someone would react when he is doing something wrong in the eyes of the society and ends up in much worse situation. Come clean or run away?

What would you do?
Have your read Laila and the Lamb or watched Bonding?
If not, then you should.
And when you do. Come back here and let me know what you think!

Sincerely yours,
Haya






I am a blogger and will stay a blogger


I love blogging! I haven’t been doing that much in the past few years and I have always rationalized that it is due to the lack of time or ideas to talk about. But suddenly, this week, a fresh new energy popped up, and I found myself blogging, almost every day. And today is my second blog post too!

And I just realized that it is the act of blogging itself that I really enjoy. It is the act of talking to myself, and putting my thoughts into words. Yes, I can see now that contrary to what I partially used to think:

  1. I no longer blog to change the world. I have my novels for that.
  2. I don’t blog to get good traffic and exposure. I used to care about this 13 years back when I started blogging. Not anymore.
  3. I don’t blog to start heated discussions. I used to enjoy this a lot, but not sure I do anymore.
  4. I don’t want to be a fashionista or Instagram influencer. I am a blogger and will stay a blogger (slash novelist :P).

I blog because it feels good and I enjoy it. I blog because it is a learning tool, a creative act and a creation platform. It is like meditation to me. Listening to my internal voice, my honest self, brining it up and shaping it into written words.

I simply love it!

Dividing gender based on height? My next project!


I miss blogging. It has been a while since I wrote anything on my blog, and even when I did, it has been more of an announcement or photos without much of written words or ideas or opinions like I used to do back in the days.

Keeping a blogging habit has been challenging in the past few years, and I don’t think that I am ready to overcome this challenge anytime soon, but I feel the urge to write something today and happy to use this platform. And as I have been doing lately, using it as a platform to talk about my writing projects, I feel like pitching the idea of the next novel I am working on, with a working title ‘Khait Hareer’ (A silk thread).

I am not sure how well the title goes with the idea and how well it will be weaved in the storyline. I have actually finished writing 9 chapters already and working on the 10th. It is kind of exciting but challenging, more challenging than writing my previous books as I am trying to imagine a fictional world. I have done this before with ‘Heaven on Earth’, and it was challenging too, but I think it was a bit easier, because in that book I tried to imagine the future, but in the new one, I am trying to imagine a parallel society.

So here is the pitch in simple terms. I am trying to imagine a society where gender is divided based on height, not sex. I know, it might be a tough sell, as not so many people understand the concept of gender and how much it is related to sex. For me, I understand that gender is a social construct, it is a sectioning system that divides people into two categories based on their perceived sexual organs. On top of the sexual division, comes a huge burden of dividing every single human attribute in an attempt to exaggerate the sexual organs distinction and make clear divisions between two types of humans – in our world today we call them men and women.

In a nutshell, we build on a single human characteristic our main human classification. And we divide all of the other thousands of human attributes, that are irrelevant to our sexual organs between the two types of humans we created. It is the most dangerous classification of humans in our history, one that most believe is natural and has always been their in every single human society. A division that clearly over simplifies the sexual organs shape and size spectrum and ignores the power of nature in brining in a wide range of manifestation to every single human attribute.

Sex is not different than height. The sexual organs come in all shapes and sizes. And if we can hold a knife and cut human populations into two sexes based of the state of development of male/female sexual organs, hiding a big portion of human beings that fall under what we call ‘intersex’, then we can use the same knife into cutting human populations into two heights (tall and short people) and hide those of middle height.

And yes, like what we do top our sexual organs distinction or dividing other attributes between two sexes, we can do the same, and divide human attributes based on the height of a person. In my story for instance, tall people will have to be thin and weak, while short ones will be thick, stocky and strong. It is not physical attributes that I divide, but also psychic ones, same like we do men and women. I even outline a dress code, a behavior code and strict gender roles that these tall and short human beings have to adhere too.

It is a very exciting practice trying to imagine how such humans would behave under these constraints. How they build their life and how they define things! There is a lot to explore and I might fell short in bringing up all of the angles such a drastic change might mean to us. It is a challenge that I decided to take, one that I am pleased with its outcome so far.

The most challenging aspect of imagining such society, is the language to use in describing it. I am writing the story in Arabic, and for those familiar with the language, it is pretty much gendered. For Arab speakers, everything has a gender, even unanimated objects. It is either a thing is feminine when it has the ta’ at the end of the word, or is masculine when the ta’ is not there. Yes, we have queer objects, but thats not the rule of the language.

In their world, their language is gendered too, and it is gendered based on height. But inventing such a language is beyond my capacity. I can outline it, and maybe try writing few phrases, but even then, no one would understand it. So I had to come up with a twist for the book, one that I hope will give you an “aha” moment and a smile once you get to it.

Not sure if I succeeded in pitching the idea, but if you got what I was trying to say, please let me know what you think. Try to imagine that society and let me know what comes to your mind. That would help me adding to the story.

“It Was Not Just A Kiss” a short story developed for my MA


It was not just a kiss

It was not just a kiss

I wanted to explore the father/son relationship for my MA dissertation. My MA was in Creative Writing and Critical Thinking, and thus the dissertation required two parts: a critical essay and a creative piece. For the critical essay I did a psychoanalysis read for the effect of the father on the death drive of the son. I chose two prose to compare: “The Kite Runner” for Khaled Hosseini where there is a dominant father figure, and “When We Were Orphans” for Kazuo Ishiguro where the father is absent. And for the creative piece, I reflected the findings of my critical read of a father/son relationships across the gender access to develop this short story “It Was Not Just A Kiss”.

The critical work is pretty long (around 10,000 words). I had to read lots of theoretical work. For a father/son relationship, I found no better place to start than exploring the notion of the castration complex and understand the formation of the super ego and the ego ideal. I stumbled upon many interesting findings that would be hard to sum up here in this article. I’d say the main conclusion was reading the castration complex in terms gender imposition, and applying Anna Freud’s theories of the ego’s defence mechanisms against aggression. If we consider gender imposition at a very young age a form of aggression, then that explains the castration anxiety that arises. Aggression, when comes with an authoritative figure, it gets internalized in the super ego and becomes self-inflicted. It continuously fuels the rise of the anxiety levels in the psyche, especially when the super ego is so strong (influenced by a dominant father figure as in the case of Amir in The Kite Runner).

On the other hand, and reading Freud, I understood that the psyche adheres naturally to the Pleasure Principle in order to lower the incremental excitations. That usually happens when the sexual energy is discharged, or when we are hungry and eat. It is the natural feeling of pleasure when a need is met. But what happens when the excitations of the psyche reaches to a very high level that can’t be handled by the normal psyche mechanism of the Pleasure Principle? I could read that the psyche then resides to painful measurements in order to sustain its stability. That’s for me what explained Freud’s death drive. It is the turning point where the human behaviour turns destructive. It is the point that Freud calls “Beyond the Pleasure Principle”.

In his essay “Beyond the Pleasure Principle”, Freud only branches to assume a different set of drives when he fails to identify a compulsion to repeat among the sexual drives. I don’t think that he looked clear enough though. I could read a compulsion to repeat in the sexual act of gender assertion. According to Judith Butler’s theory of Performativity, gender is the continuous stylisation of the body. It is a repetitive process that aims to please the ego ideal. The fact that I could read a compulsion to repeat in the sexual drives that have the same characteristics of the one Freud explains in his essay means that we can go back and assume only one set of drives; the sexual drives that turn destructive!

Instead of an overly dominant father figure as in “The Kite Runner”, I portrayed an overly feminine mother in the short story. The daughter, like Amir, struggles to meet up with the gender identity of her ideal. Unlike Amir, where the values of a masculine society backs up the qualities of his dominant father, the daughter faces an ambivalence of emotions facing a society that loves and hates abundant femininity. In the story, I place the daughter in a situation that heightens her castration anxiety and leads her to fall into the madness of her death drive.

Writing the short story after doing the critical research felt great. It was like having the blueprint to build the characters on. That is the essence of the MA that I did and the wisdom behind combining the creative and the critical into one complimentary course at Sussex University.

When I arrived Dubai’s airport last monday, they asked for my original visa which wasn’t there in the airport. My brother had to drive all the way from Abo Dhabi to hand it in. In the meantime, waiting for more than 3 hours, I thought of checking out the kindle store. I decided publish “It Was Not a Kiss” on Amazon and see how it fairs. It is my first attempt to use the platform and thus I don’t think that I was very successful. A week later, 5 copies have been sold so far. I would say it has mainly to do with the lack of availability of the kindle story in the middle east where most of my audience live.

If you find the notion of the story interesting, and wants to check it out, you can find it here: “A Short Story: It Was Not Just A Kiss“.

and if you find the critical essay interesting and would like to read it, you can email me and I can send you the file.

A short Story: The Table


7005252-chips-and-ace-king-hand-on-a-gambling-tableOn new year’s eve, it was okay to gamble. As a child, I have never connected the dots, didn’t know what gambling really means, and didn’t reflect on its connection with the grown-ups table that shows some seriousness and tension and attracts lots of attention at the extended-family end of year, longest night, party. The music was usually up, family members chat chat chat all over the place, kids get to catch up and lern better about their second cousins. TV was usually on, out loud, specially at the moment where the year ends and another year comes into play. Cheers, screams, countdown, hugs, kisses, congratulations, love, but the silent table stays out of this world. Wives, run to hug their table husbands, and kids rush to wish their dads a happy new year.

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Quick Fiction: The Double


He was standing there lost in front all of those mirrors that surrounded him in this small space of two square meters. The mirrors were set up in a way where each reflection of him in one is reflected again in the other, forming an endless reflections of the same image, the same person, the same him.

He looked closer, trying to identify each image, each reflection. They all looked back at him, with the same body gesture, the same movement, but in different angles allowed by the tilt of each mirror. In the back of his head, he had a favorite, and that was him at the end, the smallest furthest reflection of them all.

Not sure why, maybe the size made him the cutest, or maybe the distance made him the least imposed, or most lost?

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