It puzzles me how much people are willing to go in order to maintain their outer figure to comply with what the majority of other people think to be attractive. Things get even more complicated when they are related to masculinity/femininity and their role in forming society expectations while at the same time being rules by those expectations.
While it hasn’t been easy for me going to the gym a couple of days per week and doing the hard work of lifting weights in order to build muscles that would add to my masculinity and attractiveness to myself and to most of the people I know. I find it even harder for women who have to go through much more hectic in order to highlight their femininity and pump their attractiveness.
Weight lifting is not part of what society expects from women in terms of the outer appearance. I guess that they would wish it was instead of all the things they have to do that can be even more painful than an hour at the gym.
From their early childhood, they are subjected to piercing their ears in order to be able to apply some accessories around their head when they grow up. As they get older, they learn to put makeup on their faces which can add to their beauty but at the same time causing them much hectic having to wear such a mask that in a lot of cases doesn’t only require time and money, but also would harm their face skin and inner ego of not being good enough without a mask.
As they mature, they got surprised with a painful technique that are required to be applied on their bodies each month in order to remove their body hair! Then they learn to wear painful shoes with high heels to adhere with what society expects of beauty to be with being taller!
I wonder at some point humans felt it isn’t good enough to stick to what nature gives us of differences between the two sexes. Why do we have to empathies on those differences and highlight them putting a burden on each individual of us in order to comply with the rules we have built? Maybe nature isn’t good enough to differentiate us the way we like to be differentiated.
I am not sure whether what we do is just a natural innate need of emphasizing our masculinity/femininity or is it a blind follow up of what others expect us to be?
It isn’t even easy to figure out thinking of myself. Where I forced to pump up those muscles at the gym to comply with people’s expectation and high regards of muscular men, or is it something my masculinity called for where I would still like to have those muscles even if other people don’t like it?
Would women still go through the pain of removing their body hair if there are men who don’t care about it? or is it the some men who don’t care fear to admit it, just to adhere with what others think is better?
If I was a woman, I would look at society and sigh with wonder of how in the hell things got messed up in order to impose such constraints on me to comply with their expectations.
why in the hell women have to go through such painful measures to satisfy expectations and still keep silent about it where every single woman follows the guidelines of an abstract beauty that we defined with ignorance of its natural rule of being relative?
Fadi Zaghmout فادي زغموت 
A great post, its kinda hard to be obliged for the society standards, and for some they just get used to it, the fact is that women don’t do that for the sake of men, they do that for them also…. I like to go with the KISS thing in terms of everything, that is Keep It Simple & Stupid. I so much like a girl that would go with the KISS thing, wearing jeans and a T-shirt or a sweater and tennis shoes.. ohh I just love it, at least it gives men the chance to concentrate on what is between her ears rather than ……. (Use you imagination here) Why do girls wear high heels, I know it surly makes them taller and sexy but come on, its not comfortable, I totally understand waxing and petti care or whatever the names is, but high heels, I need a convincing answer !
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Hey dude,Being muscular and feminine is genetically encoded. The definition changed of course during the course of human evolution, especially for women, who now have to be thing rather than fat (which in yesteryear meant that they’re fertile). Men had and still have to be muscular to fulfill the “hunter” instinct built in men and for women to be attracted to.Of course this is from a survival of the species viewpoint. Right now it is all about sexual appeal, but people have different tastes. And don’t forget that when two are in love it overcomes any bodily fallacies on both sides.
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Hmm ok superficial people aside, I think there is a good percentage of people that would do it to please themselves first and foremost, otherwise bulimia and anorexia would be extinct (extreme examples I think) that doesn’t mean society doesn’t put its pressure on people either but in a sense you can choose to be an outcast and take the alternative look , with consequences 😉now on the other hand there are a few examples when there is really no choice to the person, circumcision is one, the other one that comes to mind are induction into adulthood ceremonies
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Great post! At first reading, I felt guilty for not being able to make it to the gym tonight – it’s been two weeks! And while I try very hard to remind myself that exercise is part of a healthy lifestyle, a big part of the driving force is this sense of insecurity because I don’t fit the social expectations of ‘thinness’. Maybe part of it is that I was an overweight person most of my life so those bullies of childhood live on in my head. About make-up, high heals, and body hair – I fear that women not only go to such great lengths to please others, but even if they are doing it for themselves, it’s largely because they’ve internalized society’s definitions of beauty. And it’s also very difficult to go against society’s expectations of us. It’s not easy to stand alone in a crowd and risk ridicule. But I’ve had the privilege of knowing women who don’t remove their bodily hair, who don’t wear make-up and who don’t put their feet through the agony of high heels. It is not easy for them to get stared at and even made fun of, but their convictions and the beauty in them that is truly unique, in my eyes, makes them all the more attractive.
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Bashar, it is a bit confusing how much a person work on himself for his own sake and how much for the the others sake! Maybe yes a big part of what women do is intended to make themselves feel better, but that is maybe because society has built this image of femininety around them where they only fit with being thin, waxed, petti cared, and wearing high heels!Kj, it seems that those genetic of nature is not enough for us to differenciate between men and women. Nature is not that good (to some people) because it provides a set of levels of masculinity and femininety where at some point the line is blured between males and females. That is why I guess we ha to invent other means and add more accessories to emphasize our gender roles. No_Angel, I agree, some people do such things to please themselves, but that is of pleasing their need of being accepted by a society which set the rules. Laura Haddad, thx 🙂Thanks for sharing with us you own insecurities of gaining weight :). It is very common for people who used to have some over weight in their childhood to carry the feeling with them in their adulthood no matter how thin they become. Don’t feel guilty :), and dont be hard on yourself 🙂I feel the same in terms of muscles! I can’t imagine myself quitting the gym for a long period of time, and I do feel guilty when skipping it for 2 weeks or so. I am glad to hear that there are some women who are courageous enough to set their own rules and reveal their natural beauty.
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allah yese3dak 🙂
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Society has always been superficial, as unfortunate as it is. Expectations are what make society what it is, really. I’m not sure if people who say they do certain things for themselves, really do them for that reason… I wonder sometimes. I know with me, whatever I do is for myself, or at least I claim it is. However, I think a lot of times we subconsciously react to what society expects from us. As for whether it is more difficult on men or women, I’m not exactly positive. I think nowadays, women certainly have a lot more to worry about in terms of appearance. It’s a constant struggle.
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Wedz, o yes3edek kaman. Ruby, Welcome to the blog. I wonder the same. How much of our behaviour is really for ourselves and how much of it is really for what people expect us to do! I guess expectations are hard on both men and women, but it is kind of harder on women.
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The gym is a horrible place. I don’t have to prove to people I am a man by going to the gym and turning into a well sculpted person.I have to grow up mentally beyond age 8 first 😀
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this is a good post fadi, what is crazy is i never use to wear makeup until i came over here to Doha (not a great idea heat and makeup do not mix) so i been wanting to learn how to do my eye makeup so i have an appointment tomorrow at Mac to learn how to apply my eye makeup ect… for the lovely cost of 400QR LOL!!!! again you making me think and recheck myself 😀
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